Alone

A sad story, with an unexpected twist at the end. Hopefully.

I sighed as I came through the front door. Mum was crying again. I went through to the living room to see her. She was sitting on the sofa, head bowed, sobbing.

 “Mum, don’t cry, don’t cry” I murmured, sitting down beside her and putting my arm over her shoulders, trying to comfort her. I felt the usual pang as she carried on crying like I wasn’t there. She never noticed me anymore. No one did, yet I still tried, hoping that one day I would break through to them. I tried to soothe her as she cried harder, the sobs racking her body while I felt the familiar strange ache that was the closest I could get to crying. Every day had seen my mother crying or drifting round, empty eyed, a cruel parody of a ghost, ever since the police brought the news. I remember that day well, every image of it was burnt into my mind. How could I not? I was involved in this, after all. This tragedy that tore two families apart.

***

Mum had been washing up, I remembered. The two policemen had stood on the doorstep, looking grave. The younger of the two pushed the doorbell with a nail-bitten hand as the older policeman checked mum’s name on a piece of paper in his pocket. Mum had come swiftly to the door-she believed it was rude to keep guests waiting for more than fifteen seconds after they had pushed the bell-her welcoming face turning into panic and alarm as soon as she saw the formal blue uniforms of the people in front of her.                             

 “What-what’s happened?” she stuttered, “Why are you here? Oh my God, has something happened to Jamie? To Crystal?”I remember how her voice had risen with panic. The older of the policemen had spoken then, his low voice serious, edged with concern.             “I’m afraid we have some bad news, Mrs Heid. Your two daughters –Crystal and Jamie- have been involved in a serious car accident. Jamie is in a stable condition in hospital and will be fine-she’s recovering already...but I’m afraid that Crystal didn’t make it. I’m sorry... “ Insufficient words, but then what else can you say?   

I don’t remember much of the accident. I was driving, so proud of myself, windows down, music playing, at complete peace with the world around me. I’d only had my licence for two weeks. I’d looked away from the road, for just a moment. I hadn’t realized that the car was slowly edging onto the other side of the road, my relaxed hand heavy on the wheel, pulling me to tragedy. I’d turned back to see a silver Ford screaming towards me, horns blaring, the driver shouting as she desperately struggled to pull her car wheel across. Then the crash. White light. Searing pain. An eerie silence, with nothing but rasping breaths to break it. Then the screaming began. One glance away from the road. That’s all it took. Only one survivor. And it was all my fault. I could have avoided it-avoided all this, the collapse of our world. If only I’d been looking.

That was three months ago.  I had always loved my sister- we had always been so close, not like sisters at all really, more like best friends-and it made me so sad to be apart from her, not to be able to talk to her, to laugh with her, to play with her. Well...It would make me sad, if I was capable of feeling any emotion anymore. I can’t laugh, can’t cry, can’t sleep. Haven’t been able to for three months now.   People don’t realize how much time you are alone for when you don’t sleep. I just wander through the house, looking in on everybody. Night is my worst torture, and yet, the only time I am at peace, everything still, everything quiet. Too quiet sometimes. I’m so lonely. Every day I think of the woman in the other car. I can’t help thinking of the family she might have had, the children I took her away from.  She haunts my mind. Every day she screams at me. Screaming, screaming. Every day I‘m reminded about what I’ve done.

***

Mum was still crying. I gave her another hug, and got up to go through to the kitchen. My gaze drifted wistfully to the bowl of fruit on the table, pears, apple, mangos. I can just about remember the taste. I wish I could still eat. I wish I could still sleep. I wish...I wish I hadn’t died.

I was so young, just turned eighteen. My beautiful sister Jamie, the only survivor...I am lonely-so lonely. It hurts so much when you can see your family, yet know that they cannot see you. You watch them moving on, while you just stand there. You watch them slowly stop grieving, find new things, new people. You want them to be happy, yet it comes at such a high price from you.

I hate to see what I’ve become. I’m so tired, so hungry, yet I can’t sleep, can’t eat. I can’t feel emotion-except for loneliness and pain. They eat away at me. I am a husk, a shadow-devoid of everything that makes someone human. I am a ghost, I can’t escape it. I don’t understand  why I’m being punished like this. What have I done-what could anyone do to deserve this? Tortured with family I cannot contact. So close. But so far. I can only hope that I will be released soon, not doomed to wander this earth alone. So alone. 

Author's Note

I'm trying to get this published, along with "Death of an Angel" and "Eagle", so please give consructive critisism. Oh, and yes its yet another story with death in it. *Sigh* I just can't seem to write about anything else...In my stories, at least.

Reviews

[Apryl Helmick]

My first thought of this was 'Woah'. I wasn't expecting that. It was a great story, and also somewhat depressing. But, tragedy makes the best story.

I found a few typos. In the second paragraph, you left out a word. " Every day...." and in the fourth paragraph, where the police officer is talking about one of the daughters being in the hospital.

There is only one thing worse than having to tell a parent their child has died. It's telling a child their mother won't be coming home.