Eyes

Eyes

A Poem by Marlena

Your hair is long and I call you lovely

Your skin is soft and I say you're lonely.

Your eyes are beautiful and I know I'm right,

Your heart beats fast when you fall to sleep at night.

Your breathing hitches in your sleep

and I wonder if your nightmares really are that deep.

Your voice is so quiet, so soft and gentle

You call me a sap when I'm sentimental like this,

But when we're far apart, these are the things I miss.

When I close my eyes and you're far away

I see your eyes staring back at me and I want them to stay

But I have to sleep and dream of you,

until you come back again, which I know you will.


© 2009 Marlena



Author's Note

Marlena
:D Imma sap~
And I love this poem, just so you know.
Comments? Crit? I like both. ^_^

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Featured Review

After i read your poetry or stories for that matter i sit back and ponder every angle. I always see more than one possiblity of what you meant, you layer the true meanings in there but just out of reach...far enough that one has to dig into themselves to find the answers.
That is what makes you a wonderful author and poet.
Great job Aveira!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is a good poem. As the others said, there were a few breaks in flow and rhyme. don't switch between rhyming and not. choose one and stick to it or else the reader is thrown off. i like the message though. and the imagery was great. it's overall a good job.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Pretty good. There are a few breaks in the flow but it is very nice.

Posted 7 Years Ago


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Bud
It's the little things in life that make up the big picture we call our lives. Everyone can see the big things, but it's the smaller ones that make us unique. Excellent piece.

Posted 8 Years Ago


You through off your rhyming pattern here: Your voice is so quiet, so soft and gentle

You call me a sap when I'm sentimental like this


and here: But I have to sleep and dream of you,

until you come back again, which I know you will.


that made it kinda choppy to read at those spots. but you have a great poem.

Posted 8 Years Ago


I love it, too! It's sweet and very nicely written. :3

-Howl

Posted 8 Years Ago


very deep piece with alot of meaning behind it .... overall I thought it flow well and the detail in it was great.... nice job on this

Posted 8 Years Ago


I like it, but I do think it needs a few tweaks here and there. The rhyme scheme gets a little fuddled in the middle, and some of the lines are longer/shorter than they should be to carry on the rhythm. Read your poetry out loud. If you're fumbling over words, or trying to speed up a line so that it still fits the rhythm, that means there's something wrong.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

After i read your poetry or stories for that matter i sit back and ponder every angle. I always see more than one possiblity of what you meant, you layer the true meanings in there but just out of reach...far enough that one has to dig into themselves to find the answers.
That is what makes you a wonderful author and poet.
Great job Aveira!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on August 10, 2009

Author

Marlena
Marlena

NY



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