Hold My Breath

Hold My Breath

A Poem by Marlena

You said you would love me and you did

but I can't escape this bitter loneliness

and I can't help this strange urge I feel inside

you said it was all right, the pain comes with the night 

and still I tried

You said you'd protect me and you did

but I keep making scars and marks I can't cover anymore

words pass through me and insults swim in my veins

I'm used to the pain, it's always the same

I'm wrong, I'm always wrong, I can't cover anymore

I'm all wrapped up in chains

Oh, I asked you to breathe life in me

and you did

- inhale, now, please.


I told you I'd love you and I am

I see it in your eyes and on your face

you've told me through silence

your disgrace,

It'll be all right, the sun always wipes away the night

I told you I'd protect you and I tried

but I see these scars appearing and I know why,

I hear words tumble from you and see your pain

You aren't wrong, you aren't wrong, and I know why.

I'll break away those chains, it won't have to be the same. 

You asked me for life and I've given it to you

I'll hold my breath now,

I'll hold my breath now. 

All for you.


© 2009 Marlena



Author's Note

Marlena
Personal, I guess. Top part is a girl speaking, bottom part is a guy speaking. Just let me know what you think, okay?

EDIT- tried to add a little more emotion, added a few lines, took out a word or two. :P Lemme know what you think, this poem is one of my favorites so I'll take all criticism I can get. :)


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Nia
I feel for the top strongly, i am going through this now.. you could also say this poem is of the girl stating her emotions and hopeing the second stanza is the response, hoping to be understood. this poem is amazing, i see why it is your favorite! dont change a thing- perfect!

Posted 4 Weeks Ago


Wow what a truly amazing poem!! You said you wanted criticism but I am afarid I have none to give!

Posted 2 Years Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
ReD
caught off guard.. it simply spoke everything just everything ...,Thanks to one who wrote it :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


I think a lot of emotion went into creating this poem and it is clearly displayed by the way your write, your words are perfect for capturing a perfect imagery into a person's mind when reading it. Amazing write.

Posted 3 Years Ago


this is amazing!!! so beautiful!

Posted 3 Years Ago


i really liked it. easy to relate to, definitely!

Posted 4 Years Ago


definitely enjoyed this. kinda feel like reading it again :D great job

Posted 5 Years Ago


well this is what am felling right now so it made me fell great when i read it(=

Posted 5 Years Ago


it was amazing very deep

Posted 5 Years Ago


This is amazing, no doubt about it. I felt like i was either character as i was reading. :) Thankyou for the magnificant display of emotion!

Posted 7 Years Ago



First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

2405 Views
15 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on December 26, 2009
Last Updated on December 27, 2009
Tags: breathe, death, suicide, cutting, cut, hurt, pain, broken, love, life, living, go, on, inhale, hold, my, breath, dying
Previous Versions

Author

Marlena
Marlena

NY



About
-What's there to know? It's obvious why I'm here, that's all you need to get it.- more..

Writing
Floating Floating

A Poem by Marlena


Unspoken Unspoken

A Poem by Marlena



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..