I Won't Cry

I Won't Cry

A Poem by Marlena
"

I don't know what it is. Just a letter.

"

Please,

Come back"

Why do you have to leave, again?

 

You, you know, you always told me absolutely everything was fine. I was…I was what? Your girl. You were proud of me, you were happy. You loved me, you loved him. I used to fall down, and I’d cry and it didn’t matter mom was there- I wanted you, Dad.

Why don’t you want me, too?

What did I do wrong, now?  Please,

Come back----

Just tell me, and I’ll do it. I’ll change. I swear.

God, I swear.

Just come back to me.

I can say, over and over and over and over (it goes on and on, these things I’d do for you), that I want you to leave now.

“If he’s going, just let him f*****g go. I don’t care anymore. Good riddance.”

But,

You should know,

You should know.

I am lying.

I say it because you said it first. You started it, and I’m still just a kid. I’ll admit that.

And I need my dad.

You hurt me first, and how do I respond to it?

God, you knew how I’d react.

I hurt you back, and you took it as a sign

To hit harder.

There are so many things you don’t understand, so many things you just don’t get. You blame me for all the things that go wrong now, and proud? Who the f**k ever heard of that?

You remember what you said to me?

“Please. Your creativity stems from me, no one else. I’m the reason, me. When I leave, I fully expect you to just

F

A

L

L.

Because you don’t know what you’re doing without my help. You really don’t have a clue. You know?”

You can say it over and over again,

I’d listen just to hear your voice.

I’m so desperate, now, and I’ve hated you

And I understand completely and fully just why that was,

I still do,

But my love for you, my father, my dad, is so much more.

I would go through every fight with you again,

I would cry every tear for you again,

I would sing for you all day long,

And I would beg you, just like I did,

To just

Stay

With

Me.

And I know how weak begging makes me sound,

But I’m seventeen, dad.

I haven’t been a kid since I was eight,

Because that’s when you left. You moved years later,

But that’s when it started.

You pulled away from everyone, and you blamed me

For everything.

Whatever I did

Whatever made you not proud of me

Whatever made you think that I truly am just not worth the effort of loving

I am sorry

And if I could

I would change.

Because everyone else I know, these people I spend days with

They have fathers that care for them

Did you ever care for me? Maybe. But not now.

And never again, I know.

Never again.

I won’t cry anymore,

If I’m not worth the love

You aren’t worth my time.

 

You want me to stay? Well f**k that I have a new life, a new family. I don’t need you- I mean,”  and he falters, because he knows I heard it. My brother left the table minutes before, and now I’m glad. His eyes darken, “I mean, I have a new life to start, that doesn’t include you, not now. When we leave, we’re gone. Your mother can take care of you. I’m done with you.”


© 2011 Marlena



Author's Note

Marlena
Rated "teen" because, come on, we all say "fuck". I don't care who you are, you've said it.

I wrote it to try and ease the constant headache that is my father. He's leaving, officially, tomorrow. I can't even go and see him to say goodbye. I don't think I want to.

I don't give a shit if you review. It's for me, not really for enhancing my writing or anything.

However.
If you want to talk about something YOU are going through with a parent/family member, drop me a note and I'll message you back.

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Added on January 11, 2011
Last Updated on January 11, 2011

Author

Marlena
Marlena

NY



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