Remembering the Good Old TimesA Story by Alisha Martin
This is a book in the making.
And I miss it. I miss being in eighth grade and hating the world, I miss swearing too much and laughing too hard. I miss wearing way too much eyeliner and planning how we would get out of this hell hole one day. I miss combing my hair into my eyes and thinking I’m too cool, yet not cool enough. I miss staying at your house every weekend. I miss staying up until the wee hours of the morning talking and laughing and typing. I miss screaming our favorite songs into the sky late at night and talking to boys on the phone.
But the past is just that, the past. I can’t have any of it back and I’m not sure I’d be able to deal with it if I could. Can’t you see how I’ve changed? I’ve gone one way and you’ve gone the other. You like to go out and party and I like to stay in and watch a movie with some hot coco. You’d rather have a smoke while I’d rather a Java Chip. You don’t mind when Drew speeds like a demon, while I am scared for my life. You don’t mind putting yourself out there after all you’ve gone through, while I cannot even bring myself to order at a restaurant.
And really I do not understand you. We are two completely different people. Polar opposites. But that’s what we used to love so much, that we were so different but so much the same. Now we are just…unlike each other. We don’t know each other anymore. We have no idea. We base what we talk about on how things used to be and how we used to be. When will we move on? When will you look at me and say, “You know what Alisha, let’s just start all over.” Because what else can we do? There is a huge canyon between who we were and who we are now and I swear you just don’t want to believe it. Like in your mind there is a bridge and you’re trying to cross it, but in mine it just isn’t there so I just sit and know I’m stranded.
But you keep calling me, sounding like you want to hang out. Yet when I’m there I feel unwanted and like I’m annoying you. I feel out of place and like I should not have ever ever gone back there. I keep trying, hoping one time it’ll feel like it used too. Easy and light, with just a tinge of sorrow. In some ways I hate you, and in others I love you, but really what I can’t take is that you just go on like nothing ever happened. I can’t even fathom how you can ignore these things. But somehow you do and you just smile and act like it’s all okay. Between us, it’s NOT okay. It hasn’t been okay for three years, and it shows no sign of getting better. I don’t think I ask much, just for some integrity and an apology. Why is that so f*****g hard for you to say? One word. On time. That’s all I want.
© 2010 Alisha Martin
Added on January 21, 2010
Last Updated on January 21, 2010
Tags: friends heart break
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