Born Ready

“Keep moving, keep going”

They tell you in a stern voice

They won't let go

they won't loosen up there controls

We pretend not to notice

So we dont get eliminated

So we don't get penetrated

With the knife they contently hold to our backs

We don't want to look back they say

“Keep your head straight ready for the prize

If we lead astray

No we are bound

Constantly looking around

Waiting for them to say

“Make a move”

Ready for action

Battle ready

they say ”hold steady”

Guns fire

lifes for hire

Rolling weed

Making money

thinking about the life we once had

When we led fuller less dreadful lives

Can we take a moment in time and thank these lives

A innocent soul born

already ready born to fight

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

It's a bit unfocused but I like the ideas and direction you are trying to go with this. My guess is that you are writing about what it's like to eventually end up unwillingly existing in an illicit industry; or a legit one but with extreme reservations and no reliable fallback. Your line capitalization is inconsistent (either every first letter of every line is in caps or none of them are, pick one), a few of your lines lack poetic word economy (in the end especially), the last two lines are aesthetically ugly and take away from the flow (take out one of the "born" words). Good ideas, not so good writing.

[Desiree O'Neal]

I'll be working on my writing a lot more thanks for your feedback.

[Justin]

That was awesome 😃 moving forward is the best thing to do, putting your past behind you!!! Amazing job!!!

[KCthelastboyscout]

A little unsteady but I think I understand your point.your writing is raw and honest. this is a good place for you to show your talent.I look forward to more from you