One Bent Machine

A first touch, a first kiss, and a fall into blissful oblivion.

And I took your hand, and we smiled, and our smiles met and devoured each other. Electricity pounding through my body to the beat of your heart, my life in yours, intensified feeling shooting through me from my hand to my toes. Warmth. Electric, chemical warmth. Metabolic warmth. Inner warmth. Your hands on my skin, your being within me. The cold night banished to isolation beyond the boundaries of me and you. Happiness. Perfection. Unity. Awareness. Complete comprehension, as the fabric of your skin and compilation of the underlying bones are discovered in cartographic detail by my roaming fingers. Ridges, valleys, hairs and the tectonic movements of your shoulder-blades, the mechanisms within. The staggered, urgent attempts of your lungs, the inconsistent surging of blood, the bloated pipelines showing through the surface, the absence of reason or fear from your eyes. A step too far to where there is no more ground, and the marvellous freefall inside a limitless vacuum towards the edge of all known space. The indomitable reality that there is neither time nor room to turn around, to look back, to escape. An amalgamation of minds, of bodies, of worlds, melting into one another with no more negativity than acceptance. Two systems slotting seamlessly together, running at once as one, forgetting the existence of both before, being born anew, the kind of entity not contained to one existence, or to existence at all, but only to itself and for itself. One fearless island, one bent machine. 

Author's Note

Sorry for the text wall, I just don't know how to break it up!

Reviews

[Tegon Maus]

It's good but then sex always is... I like your imagery... good job

[TLK]

Your title, mirroring the final three lines, indicates to me that you know fully where you are going with this 'text wall'. I feel that it is a proto-prose poem but, disclaimer-wise, I love prose poetry so I do tend to push everyone into it.

Assuming you are interested in taking this path, I feel that this piece could evolve by you intensifying that central metaphor of a conjoined, bent machine. You start with the electricity, but then you go into the cartography of a body and (I feel) lose this thread. If you managed to entwine a sensation of joining amongst this other's-body-consciousness then it would hold together more cohesively.

The fun, as well, of a prose poem is that you wouldn't need to break up the text at all. However, you would need to keep it short, so according to my rule of thumb I would say to don't make it any longer.

I hope this rather particular advice is of some use.

[Spoon]

Indeed it is useful. I have very little knowledge of poetry and, I suppose, lack the patience to learn right now. So thank you for taking the time to give me a review!
Perhaps I could replace the cartography part with conquering? I'm not sure, perhaps that is too hostile a word...