Ghostship (Ch1)

A dead warship is located, and a scavenging crew prepare to board What dangers lie ahead?

Janus was standing by what could easily be mistaken for a window had it not been suspended from the ceiling two meters from the cold metal wall. In reality it was a high resolution tactical monitor, displaying a live feed from an external camera. There was a star comparatively closer than the one in Janus’ home system, but closer still was a large, revolving, gaseous ball surrounded by thirteen rings. They were close enough to see that the orbiting rings consisted of rocks, and that each ring was a slightly different shade of blue. The image began to shift slightly and Janus knew that it meant the ship was rotating. He folded his hands behind his back and twisted the ring on his left hand.

                “Hey boys, we’re taking position,” he said without taking his eyes off the screen. “We should be able to see the wreck any second.”

                His update was then confirmed by the automated alert system; an out-dated, electronic female voice. It said “Attention: Operations Room. Primary target approaching optical range,” and then it repeated the message.

                There was a screech of metal on metal, followed by another, and another. Janus cringed and put his hands over his ears, stumbling away from the screen and the monstrous metallic man approaching him backwards, dragging his boots on the floor. Every inch of the man’s suit was airtight, and it was bulletproof in as many places as possible. Across the high, heavily fortified shoulders, the words “Spaghetti Bob” were scrawled in yellow paint. Suddenly Bob raised himself up onto the toes of one boot and spun, planting his feet firmly on the floor with one hand raised and the other on his triangular crotch piece, thrusting his pelvis forward and screeching in a high tone.

                “I swear to god, Bob, as soon as my suit’s on!” The voice emanated from the mouth of a dark skinned, bearded man in the centre of the room with a finger outstretched accusatorily in Bob’s direction.

                “Bring it on, Raj,” Bob said and began towards the man, reaching his monstrous mechanical arms forward as if to grab him, but stopping at the last minute to flick him instead. Bob laughed.

                “Oh, real funny, Bob. Real funny. Just you wait.” And with that, a panel in the floor slid open and a thick metallic case came up to fill the space. The cover had not even finished opening before Raj was inside, harnessing himself into the machine he would wear as a suit. Green lights lit up along the case at once and Raj hurled himself upwards with mechanical strength. He lifted Bob’s foot out from under him, sending him crashing heavily into the floor. Raj chuckled and shrugged as the chest of his suit closed, securing him inside its hardened shell.

                Bob got to his feet in a flash and pranced nimbly on his toes, arms raised like a boxer.

                “Ya wanna dance, big boy? Ya wanna dance?” he taunted, feinting with his left fist.

                “You’re the most horrifying clowns I’ve ever seen,” Janus interjected, approaching the centre of the room to wait for his suit.

                “Shut it, map boy,” Raj spat, his eyes on the circling Bob. “We can do this job without you, you know.”

                “No we can’t,” came a voice from the only doorway. The man, for his gender was evident in his voice, stood with a shadow cutting diagonally across his neck, leaving his face lost in darkness. His identity, however, was clearly labelled across the left breast of his grey singlet as Vincent Drave. On either side skin and muscles bulged outwards and down towards his gigantic hands, one of which clasped a wooden clip board. There was a long, wooden crutch wedged into his left arm-pit and he leant most of his weight upon it.

                The two metal hulks immediately dropped their stances at the sound of the voice and stood up straight, revealing the true height of their suits.

                “He knows his way around these things. He’s valuable, so play nice,” Vince said. “Janus, suit up.”

                The floor opened and a new case rose up. Janus climbed in and buckled the harness, and as he did so the alert system chimed out again.

                “Attention: Operations Room. Primary target in optical range. Confirm.”

                “Yeah, I see it,” Vince said loudly, turning to look at the monitor. “Ain’t she a beauty.”

                “Whoa,” Bob said. “Hey Raj, you ever seen anything like that?”

                Raj moved closer to the monitor.

                “Bloody hell,” he said, his jaw hanging open.

                Janus pulled himself out of the case, the chest piece closing as he approached the screen. In the midst of the asteroid rings was the long, grey hull of a large old warship. It had a flat top interrupted periodically by antennae and the bridge, which seemed to have been added as an afterthought. Its sides were smooth and curved inwards at the bottom, but it was the front that had them all in awe. It was like an open mouth, stretched wide in a perfect circle and reaching deep inside the hull, almost hollowing the entire ship.

                “Forty-second generation Shonu-Messa frigate,” Janus said.

                Raj turned to look at him with his mouth open, ready to speak, but he hesitated. His eyes widened and a smirk grew on his face. Bob kept his face away, but his suit began bouncing a little and the sound of suppressed laughter was growing. Raj began to chuckle too.

                “These hulls are pretty rare in themselves, but this... um... this one...” Janus’ eyes were flicking from the screen to Raj and back again. “Sorry Raj, what’s so funny?”

                “Nothing,” Raj said, barely able to keep his laughter in. “Nothing. Bob?”

                Bob risked a glance at Janus, then lost control. He doubled over with laughter.

                “No, nothing,” he said finally, then after a pause, “Fairy man.”

They both lost their composure and laughed loudly. Vince turned on his good leg and looked at Janus. The dark metal of his suit was patterned with sparkling swirls in pink and purple, and protruding from the shoulder-blades was a pair of white, fluffy fairy wings.

 “Nice costume. This is your handiwork, Bob? I think I’ll have you do my granddaughter’s 5^th birthday,” Vince said. “Janus, you look adorable. Now, can we all pay attention to the matter at hand?”

“Yes sir, sorry,” Bob snickered.

“Janus?”

            “As I was saying, these are rare enough,” Janus continued in an irritated tone, tearing the wings from his back. “They only came about towards the end of the war.”

                “That’s right. They escorted capital ships,” Vince added, eyeing Bob and Raj, who were still smirking.

                “Most of them, yes. But a few were modified. Do you know of the Wraiths of Tokyo Nine?”

                “Whoa, the wraiths?” Raj asked. “Is this-”

                “It is. They stripped the insides bare; all they used was the hull. No shields, no flak, no scramblers or guidance systems. No defenses whatsoever, yet they’re a b***h to destroy because you just can’t hit the b******s. They jump in, fire, and jump out. All you get is three seconds. There’s nothing in there but a jump system, a massive generator and a jumbo Particle Agitator. One of those cruiser guns. If you've ever seen one in action you'd wish you hadn't. They had only six of these at Tokyo Nine. It’s the only place we ever saw them.”

                Bob and Raj were staring at the screen listening, their giggles long forgotten. The Tokyo Nine incident was famous in every colony because of the mystery surrounding it.

                “So...” Raj began.

                “You were at Tokyo Nine?” Bob finished.

                Janus glanced at Vince. “Yes, I was. That’s why I’m here now. That gun uses a s**t load of energy, and they were only experimental. Four of them failed and lost power, one right outside the Tokyo. I was a combat engineer on the boarding party. It was a mess inside.”

                “And that is why we need him,” Vince said. “He knows the layout. He knows the dangers. Particle Agitators use a very unstable substance called Luschadium. When we get inside, we all do exactly what he says. Bob, that means no more dancing. Now, it's time I put my legs on.”

                Vince lay his crutch down and awkwardly climbed into the case while Bob and Raj almost tripped over each other trying to get to the door. Janus stared at the shipwreck on the monitor. He stared down the barrel of the ship-killer and muttered “Tokyo Nine” to himself.

He could never forget that day. Even now, six years later, it haunted his dreams. Every night he relived the panic, the chaos, the unfathomable helplessness as one of the Coalition's greatest defense systems was torn apart before his eyes. He played the scenario again and again, from their deployment to relieve the besieged Helsinki system to the bitter rescue mission that followed. His dreams were so real he could feel the thudding of recoil as his boarding party fought for space, the slipperiness of a battlefield covered in blood and hydraulic fluid. He could recall every minute of the nerve racking rear guard action as the transports made their slow exodus, enemy ships hanging on the edge of targeting range. The presence of the Tokyo Nine alongside his frigate was his only comfort.

                “Must’ve been hell,” Vince said, striding up beside him in his robotic chassis. 

"We were almost back behind the front," Janus said. "We were almost safe. I hadn't let myself hope for survival until that day, the day the Wraiths hit. I remember thinking... "Hey, we're going to make it." Half an hour later, I was storming the corridors of one of those things, and the Tokyo had been lost.'

Janus turned to face Vince. 

"I never wanted to see one again. But right now, I could do with the money. Let's get to it." 

Author's Note

This is just the beginning of the story. Please read, and let me know what works and what doesn't. This is only the second draft so any advice will be helpful.

Reviews

[Tegon Maus]

Hi Dave... a couple of things

A dead warship is located, and a scavenging crew prepare to board What dangers lie ahead? I would drop ‘What dangers lie ahead?’

Bob and Raj were staring at the screen listening, their giggles long forgotten. The Tokyo Nine incident was famous in every colony because of the mystery surrounding it. I think this is odd... out of place. I would drop it all together and place this paragraph in its stead.

He could never forget that day. Even now, six years later... I think this will offer more drama and interest.

Your transition from this: His update was then confirmed by the automated alert system; an out-dated, electronic female voice. It said “Attention: Operations Room. Primary target approaching optical range,” and then it repeated the message.

To this There was a screech of metal on metal, followed by another, and another.... is jarring and off track from the story line. It would be better if you gave it a little lead in if you want to keep your Michael Jackson reference. You need a better description for their suits... more detail to make the over all image clear.

[Spoon]

Hmmm good points, all of them. The Michael Jackson reference is a toss-up. It may not survive the next draft, but I havn't decided yet. Thanks for your input!