Running on Empty

Eat when it's time to eat, sleep when it's time to sleep, and love...always.

 

Robbie sat in the car, still smelling the gas that he had just pumped. Maddie would probably throw another fit because he once again used the last forty dollars in his pocket to get his gas tank to the halfway mark, but he knew there would be hell to pay if he didn’t make his biweekly visit to her. He tossed his wallet on the big stack of books in his car for his five classes at the university, and used the passenger side of his car as a locker instead of lugging all of his books in and out of his house all the time. Robbie made his way to the freeway ramp that he took to get to school and to Maddie’s house later on.

 

The sound of Danity Kane made Robbie jump, and the sight of a CHP officer nearby made Robbie nervous about picking up his cell phone, despite the clip from the song repeated itself over and over again, reminding him of his incoming text message.

 

I thought that I should let you know

That my heart is damaged

Damaged

Damaged

And you can blame the one before

 

Robbie rubbed his forehead. The cell phone ringtone rang over and over again insistently yet the CHP officer refused to move from Robbie’s vicinity. He was beginning to regret having set his cell phone to have this song play when she called; he always felt as if he were disgustingly full after eating too much at a nice restaurant.

 

Robbie decided against answering Maddie’s text, remembering that he had work later on. His previous call was the prompt he needed to spend the last of his forty dollars at the gas station. Robbie eyed his cell phone wearily, remembering the conversation he had with his boss.

 

“Eric called in sick again,” his manager said matter-of-factly. “We’d really appreciate it if you closed the store tonight.” Robbie sighed holding the cell phone to his ear, and looked at the clock on his dashboard. He wouldn’t have a chance to gas up between the end of class and work, so he didn’t have time to stop at Burger King for a quick lunch.

 

“I should be able to get there with a few minutes to spare,” Robbie said, merging into the right lane so he could get into the gas station. He knew there was no reward for merely showing up to work on time.

 

“We appreciate it,” his manager said curtly and hanging up. Robbie pressed “End” and without even thinking about it, he made a right turn into the gas station.

 

Robbie cringed looking into his backseat. He would have to move his meeting with Maddie to later in the week, but when it was time, he wasn’t looking forward to transferring all of his books to the backseat so Maddie could ride shotgun. Robbie took a deep breath to calm himself but cringed at the deeply ingrained odors of crumpled fast food wrappers, dirty work aprons and uniforms, and he was pretty sure there was an empty bottle of vodka somewhere in the back that had hints of the clear liquid lining the glass still. Atop of the heap of clothes and somewhat molding wrappers, he saw the fleece blanket Robbie used in his early years of college for the early mornings he would have to drive to school to be able to find a decent parking spot. His mother had given him the blanket from the house to use so he could get a nap in between classes or for those mornings early in the semester when it was nearly impossible to find a parking space.

 

His school agenda fell off of the top of the heap of books and since the traffic was still backed up, he placed the car in park to grab the agenda. It fell open to the month of October and he frowned. It was October 16^th—a Thursday, and he had his seven o’clock class on Friday mornings. He glanced back at the fleece blanket and wondered if he could get away with parking the car in the neighborhood next to the school and sleeping there instead of going home.

 

Putting the car back in drive, the drive was ungodly slow on the 405 Freeway as usual. Robbie rested his head against his palm and looked at himself in the rear view mirror. The left corner of his mouth lifted at the sight of his face. He wasn’t the first one to say he belonged on the cover of Vogue, but he did consider himself good looking with his California tanned skin, medium brown hair and his light Italian eyes, courtesy of his Italian mother.

 

Robbie’s spiked hair nearly touched the felt ceiling of his car when he heard the fast paced Wonders’ song playing on his cell phone.

 

You

 

 

Doing that thing you do

Breaking my heart into a million pieces

Like you always do

 

Robbie felt his head banging as if he were battling an intense headache for several hours on end. He didn’t need to inspect the screen to tell who he was, but he was wondering when he chose this song why he felt it should play when Maddie called his cell.

 

“Hello?” Robbie asked, putting his cell phone to his ear.

 

“Where are you?” Maddie demanded. “You were supposed to be here a half hour ago.”

 

“Maddie, I told you, I have class today, and I can’t see you tonight either,” Robbie said, merging into the left lane.

 

“Why can’t you see me tonight? You promised,” Maddie said, and Robbie could hear shuffling on her side of the phone.

 

“Eric called in sick,” Robbie said sighing. “Again. I have to cover for him.”

 

“At least he calls when he’s not going to come,” Maddie said and Robbie could tell she was sneering.

 

“It’s not my fault,” Robbie said pressing on. “It’s not my fault that I got school, and—”

 

“Yeah, yeah, you have responsibilities that you have to tend to,” Maddie said knowingly. “Fine. Not my fault that you have work and school. Just, whatever. I got company coming over later anyway, so just call when you’re ready to see me, alright?”

 

“Fine,” Robbie said.

 

“And don’t forget about dinner next time, it’s your turn to pay,” Maddie said, before the relieving sound of the click greeted his ears.

 

Robbie clicked the “End” button and tossed the phone in the backseat, fully aware that it might get lost in all the clutter in the back and that it would take a while to find again.

 

The sounds of sirens filled his ear and Robbie glanced into his rearview mirror and saw the same CHP officer behind him, and even those the officer had his big sunglasses on, he could tell the officer was scowling by the frown on his face. Cursing mildly under his breath, he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the officer to come to the car. Robbie was looking behind him, beginning to tap his foot impatiently. The cop was taking his time to walk over to Robbie’s car, and Robbie remained focused on the officer to get off of his motorcycle and to just give him a ticket so he could leave. He entertained the thought of actually getting arrested and when he thought of how it would mean he wouldn’t have to be the closing checker, he almost clapped his hands in delight. The officer finally decided to make his way over to the car and Robbie looked forward to pretend that he wasn’t spying on the cop the whole time.

 

“License and registration, please,” the officer barked. Robbie ignored the cop’s tone, pretending it was just another one of the regulars at his store, and pulled out his license and the white paper for registration. The cop looked them over and told Robbie he was going to check his license at his motorcycle. Robbie finally looked up and ahead.

 

He recognized Avalon Boulevard as exit that his parents often took to get to his grandparents’ house. Robbie realized that he had been driving the 405 Freeway for four years since he started college, and not once in those four years had he ever taken that exit, let alone to see his grandparents. All of a sudden, aching filled Robbie’s athletic body. Robbie’s brown eyes filled with tears. He wanted to jump out of the car and to start sprinting towards his grandparents’ house. He was twitching and squirming in his seat. Robbie could feel his insides twisting, as if they were naked and trying to keep from being exposed.

 

Robbie’s mouth opened and a loud wail escaped from his throat, and it felt as if he had been carved and hollowed out, and now he could feel the painful emptiness. Robbie began to yell and ball his fists up and to hit anything and everything around him from the driver’s seat. Robbie hit the passenger seat where Maddie would usually be sitting, the books falling to the floor and his previously lost name badge from work fell out of the pages of his government book. Robbie panted, trying to catch his breath as if he had run several miles and unable to make the journey back home. Robbie grabbed his head in his hands. By the time Robbie had caught his breath and calmed down enough to remember he was still on the freeway and due for class, the officer was already standing by his window, perplexed at Robbie’s sudden outburst. The officer was trying to find the right words to say to respond to this.

 

“Don’t drive talking on your cell phone and have a nice day,” the officer said, taking backwards steps towards his motorcycle and firing it up. Robbie wiped his eyes and waited for the officer to leave before taking the Avalon Boulevard exit.

 

                                    *            *            *            *

 

Robbie dropped onto the couch, closing his eyes and savoring the feel of the flower-print cloth. He took a deep breath, and the smell of sweet Italian sausages filled his nostrils. His grandfather switched the television on and turned it to PBS, where a children’s show was playing. Robbie almost laughed out loud; he hadn’t seen the show “Wishbone” since his grandparents babysat him instead of being sent to a daycare at three-years-old.

 

“Your lunch is just about ready,” his grandmother said, coming into the room, the smell of sausages lingering on her purplish-pink wool sweater. Robbie sat up and made room for his grandmother.

 

“Thanks, Nanna,” he said, patting the space on the couch for her. His grandmother reached out and hugged him. Robbie breathed in the scent of her perfume with the scent of sausage.

 

“It’s so good to see you,” his grandmother said happily, hugging him tightly. “You hardly come around to see us anymore!”

 

“Hey, the boy’s getting really busy, aren’t you?” his grandfather said, winking at Robbie. Robbie blushed slightly and his grandmother gave her husband a reproving look before focusing all of her attention on Robbie again.

 

“You grew a lot since the last time I saw you,” his grandmother said, brushing some loose strands of his hair from his forehead. “And you definitely have a different sense of style these days.” Robbie chuckled, tugging at his American Eagle shirt.

 

“Whatever gets the ladies, right?” his grandfather interjected with a wink and a chuckle. His grandmother took off her slipper and threw it at her grandfather’s head with an accuracy that would impress any military commander and a grace that most wives married for fifty plus years would have mastered. His grandfather laughed off his grandmother’s apparent bad temper. His grandmother shook her head, still looking intently at his grandfather.

 

“Pig,” she said annoyed but laced with some amusement. His grandfather leaned on the right arm of his recliner and gave his grandmother a more focused look.

 

“The last time you said that to me,” his grandfather said with no mistaking the lust in his voice, “certain things…happened, and if they hadn’t, Robbie wouldn’t be here to pay us a once in a blue moon visit, would he?” Robbie’s face scrunched up in the usual disgust, but he couldn’t help but crack a smile and he had to force down a laugh. He watched as the glare in his grandmother’s eyes became softer, gazing at his grandfather. Robbie felt the room become increasingly warmer.

 

                                    *            *            *            *

 

“I wish you could come over more,” his grandmother said, hugging him tightly. Robbie could hear the sounds of the last crickets chirping behind him.

 

“I know, but I have a huge test tomorrow, I can’t miss it,” Robbie said. “Thanks for lunch and dinner, Nanna.”

 

“Thank you,” she said, letting his grandfather cut in to hug him goodbye.

 

“Take care and don’t let those ladies run you ragged,” his grandfather said. Robbie rolled his eyes and chuckled. It dawned on him then that his own laughter did sound a lot like his grandfather’s.

 

“I will, Pops,” Robbie said. His chest constricted. Robbie couldn’t move his feet all of a sudden. He looked around, noting the familiar color of his grandparents’ house, the way the grass was cut sloppily by his grandfather’s dying mower, how the row of pansies were still there after his grandmother planted them years before he was born, but mostly, how much he desperately wanted to stay there forever.

 

“Robbie?” his grandfather asked, waving his hand in front of his face. “You ok?” Robbie swallowed, trying to push the knot down.

 

“Yeah,” Robbie said. “I just…I just…”

 

“You just what?” his grandfather asked. Robbie sighed. He couldn’t believe how hard it was going to be to say “I love you” to his own grandparents.

 

“I was really hungry today when I came over,” Robbie said in a low voice. “I couldn’t stop and get something to eat because I had to gas my car up, and after that, I had no money anyway, and freakin’ Maddie’s telling me it’s my turn to pay for dinner again. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Not until today.” Robbie stared at the cement of the walkway, waiting for his grandparents to wonder what their twenty-something-year-old grandson was trying to say. The crickets stopped chirping in the October night before his grandfather spoke.

 

"When you're hungry," his grandfather said softly, "that means there's something you're starving for."

 
 

 

Reviews

[Drew Wade]

I really really liked this story. You captured the beleaguered life of a college student perfectly. life's catching up with him, it's not exactly how he dreamed it would be. he has nothing, and he needs to hit bottom. I think Robbie needs to read 'Fight Club'. excellent. also, the vagueness of the relationship with him and maddie really drew me in. this seems like a destructive relationship.

The first line of this story is really catchy, and it gets better from there. the cop tailing him, the car, the empty bottle of vodka.. this reminds me of my car and why I don't like to take passengers that much!!!! hahah.

there was one little spelling error but I can't remember where it was. you said 'those' instead of 'though'. that was it, though.. this was a great one, and one of your best, in my opinion.