Time Passes

Time Passes

A Poem by ~ Stefanny ~

As I grow older
As I change
As I see the world in a different way

Friends are not for forever
Love is not for always
And our hearts grow heavier day by day

© 2010 ~ Stefanny ~


Author's Note

~ Stefanny ~
Thank you Lilith for the constructive comment :D I had edited it to make it better

My Review

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This is a lovely poem, I can really sense some depth in it.
However, in the first stanza, the lines do not match up
By using, "grow, changed, see", you're switching from present, past, present.
That really doesn't make much sense, so I suggest that you change it to:
"As I grow older
As I change
I see the world in a different way"

Also, the last line would be more appropriate if it said:
"And our hearts grow heavier day by day"
Ah, grammar!

Not a big change, just a few small grammatical errors that makes the poem slightly confusing. :]

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is a lovely poem, I can really sense some depth in it.
However, in the first stanza, the lines do not match up
By using, "grow, changed, see", you're switching from present, past, present.
That really doesn't make much sense, so I suggest that you change it to:
"As I grow older
As I change
I see the world in a different way"

Also, the last line would be more appropriate if it said:
"And our hearts grow heavier day by day"
Ah, grammar!

Not a big change, just a few small grammatical errors that makes the poem slightly confusing. :]

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 10, 2010
Last Updated on April 11, 2010

Author

~ Stefanny ~
~ Stefanny ~

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People know me as a quiet person but once they really get to know me, they will be slightly surprised. I can be sarcastic and funny at certain times. However, I prefer peace and quiet. I like to be al.. more..

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