How I disappear...

What can happen with just one voice...

It made me do it It surrounded me in a cloud of blackness that suffocated me until I was on my knees. Walking down the hallway among people, to them I just collapse and start ranting about the darkness that is not there choking me.

It made me do it As people crowd around and try to pull me up,saying everything is okay, nothing is hurting me.But they are wrong and I whimper in fear as It whispers in my ear. "I have come back for you,my dear. It is time for you to pay". And that's when I grow cold.

It made me do it More people gather around to laugh and gawk at the girl who is losing it in the middle of the hallway. "she's crazy" they say. send her to a hospital far far away to fix her broken mind for she is clearly not right". It grins at my horror and they laugh at my unseen terror. And the anger fills me.

It made me do it Someone has dropped a pencil on the floor and I quickly grab it. I know I must look deranged to the people around me but I don't care. It is still whispering in my ear. I can't help but to look into Its penetrating eyes, and I see what It wants.

It made me do it Against my will I let out a sob, my hand shaking,eyes wild, I break the pencil in two and slash it across my wrist. People gasp at the sudden lethal change,and some run away from the gruesome sight. Other bolder, more horrified people lunge at me and try to pry the now bloody pencil from my hand. And Its strength fills me.

It made me do it Its evil strength fills me,Its scent overpowering my senses. But with it no one can pry my weapon away. I scream out in pain as deep inside me I can  surely hear the cracking of my heart. And with a last verbal protest I make a long vertical gash crossing with all the  horizontal  ones on my arm. The blood making it hard to even tell one gash from another. And I fall to the ground.

It made me do it Tears blur my vision, the smell of blood fills my nostrils and people screaming rings in my ears. Or maybe it's me, I can't tell. The pain  is too unbearable. But through my cloudy eyes I see It clearly kneeling over me. I start to let out another scream but stop when It begins to change form. It changes, and swirls and when It takes form again I can't believe my eyes as my deepest darkest fear turns into ....you.

You made me do it The world around disappears and all that's left is your face. The face I thought I lost so long ago, the face I tried so hard  to forget after rejecting you for foolish human fears. My tears flow as freely as the blood now and I know my life is fading quickly. As each memory  of the past comes back I come into realization. The darkness that has been infecting my mind, the agony that has crushed my heart, it was all you. You who's memory drove me all the way until now, as I lay here on the brink of death. And it is now I realize that no matter what I'll never be able to forget you.

you did it Just as I find the strength to reach out my hand for you, you fade away and are gone, and I am reaching for air. I am barely breathing, and all other people are gone in my mind, for the last image my mind clings to is of you and the last thing I realize as my eyes close is without you there is nothing

without you I disappear

           and then I died...

 

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Emotions are the most unpredictable thing, especially after a heartbreak... very sad but your presentation is wonderful

[Ama May Cooper]

A very sadenning piece shows teh true torment love drives us throught.
I ahve one point tho... In one of your verses further to teh end you state that you fall to the floor.. surely she is already on the floor, or has she stood up again?
appart from that amazing

[Twilight]

Firstly, I agree with Jonathan's comments. I also like your wording, and the repetition of that line, "It Made Me Do It". However, I think that the writer may well be trying to express more than the consequences of "despair" or "angst of love" (as Jonathan puts it). In addition, it has something to say about the influence of compulsion on our beahviour. Particularly, in an emotional scenario, in which the mental state is quite fragile.

Furthermore, it seems to be about the displacement of blame for one's actions. In this case, the protagonist constantly blames "it" for her various acts, right until the closing lines of this poem. But, why? Well, sometimes the emotional hurt is so intense, that displacing the blame can lessen the pain. Also, it can help one to feel consoled, in the belief that another person/entity is sharing part of the emotional burden!

Nice writing, and thanks for sharing this with your fellow members of my Group, "Twilight's Disciples".

[Boris Jonathan Novak]

Very powerful. Life truly is an emotional trainwreck, isn't it? Without a trainwreck in our lives, what would we be worth? Your poem sums up the angst of love, and the despair we feel when it goes south. This was a true pleasure to read. Keep up the great work!