Humanities Wrath

This is my perception of the war going on.... inspired by a person who has given me a great view. :O)

The patterns of life decay along lonely pavements

Crackling into discredited accommodations of mans work.

Hands splintered from natural labor

Forcing the foundation of turned over surfaces to erode

What once was the mirage of dreams and inspiration

Now becomes the grounds of the devil's dream

 

Silence whispers hauntingly through shadowed alley's

Where once a child was found

Longing for tomorrow's light and the fog of passing demons to disappear

Amongst the horizon where the gift of immortality was once given

The flames of dry tides now becomes the reality

No longer is the sanctuary of religion a form of belief

As despair becomes the only true emotion felt and understood

 

Death mortifies the souls of existence into oblivion

Forms of collateral are found in the breath of life

The gift of the mother brought from nature

Now the primary source of the spirit's demise

The archangels cry upon the ground now saturated from humanities wrath

Ironically in humanities grasp of oxygen's creed

Now the place where dying breeds, instead of life

 

 

Reviews

[A.T.B.]

This poem has a cadence that gushes out from the natural flow of words as they march one after the other. The natural flow enhanced my receptivity of the message.

The patterns of life decay along lonely pavements
crackling into discredited accommodations of man's work

What a strong statement. I would put a "." after "man's work" because I would want the reader to pause and let the meaning of it sink in.
The lonely comma in the last line begs for companionship. Be generous Li Li ... :-)
What a great poem. You have once more delivered ... :-)

[Johnny Westbrook]

wow! what a poem. i was able to visualize everything in my mind like i was actually there seeing everything happen. "What once was the mirage of dreams and inspiration Now becomes the grounds of the devil's dream" ......... "The archangels cry upon the ground now saturated from humanities wrath" perfectly put. Sorry but i have to add this to my favorites list. :-) Thank you for a wonderful read.

[☮]

This is hot, Li Li. You have a way of speaking from the first person of the Earth or Mother Nature. As if you're personifying the world. This could have been told through the eyes of soldiers at war or perhaps even native resident of the country being occupied.

I was reading this while The Game's "My Life" was on in the background. It actually flowed with this poem.

Loved this line too:
"Ironically in humanities grasp of oxygen's creed"

Keep doing your thing. I await your new material.

[Nik Dendera]

"Silence whispers hauntingly through shadowed alley's
Where once a child was found
Longing for tomorrow's light and the fog of passing demons to disappear"

Oh, the images! Superbly written, brilliant wording!

I'm not looking at technicalities-the message over rides them. Its like being kicked in the head and told "Look at what we're doing! Is this what you want?!"

Hats off for this. Amazing.

(please excuse any typos-writing with one hand!)

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I must say this sounds rather like something I might have written, even without rhyme. But I love and respect rhyme. It is a craft that is difficult to do well (there's nothing worse than a forced rhyme) but I prefer the play among the words within the rhyme which, of course, lends an entirely new dimension to the poetry. John Donne was one of the great practitioners of that aspect in poetry. This, as a non rhyming poem has its own flow and play among the words and I think you did an excellent job with this. The mood was rather depressingly macabre but the poem was great in that aspect as well, very "POE"tic. lol

[Carl]

Hello this peice is totally different to what you would post normally. This peice shows growth and adds another string to your poetic bow. I must confess I love your rhyming work. The way you use words to convey such emotion and heart. Rather than this peice being seperate from that I would like to say it stands along side it. I like the opening line "The pattens of life's decay" you could be anywhere in the world go down any street and you will see the pattens of life's decay. The man on the bench whose lived the years. The young girl with 3 kids and not even 20. The young man with the i-pod blearing. The man asleep in the doorway. The second line to me is about delapadated buildings, paint peeling storefronts, warehouse roofs where the rain comes in. Broken glass lines the street shards of life's decay. And the guy with splintered hands who sleeps in the doorway or seeks solace on a park bench could own the hands that built the store or the warehouse. And through the years his life and the life of the building he helped create have fallen into decay

The next line talks to me about agriculture and farming and how hands have turned over the soil to realise a dream. Here in the UK "open spaces " are becoming less and less. And "Green fields" are being replaced by "concrete jungles" and natures rich tapastry has now become a tapastry of Gang Slang and sprayed tags.
And we are left looking through haunted eyes at the grounds of the Devils dream.

The second stanza starts really well I like the desolation as silence goes about her bussiness down shadowed alleys. Past the store fronts and the warehouse. The bench and the doorway are empty. A child once was here. A child with dreams and vision and thoughts of imortallity. She may of been a poet, a dancer,a singer, an artist. But she was one who looked for tomorrow's light bcause she knew that even the smallest light can exstinguish the biggest darkness. But our child is lost No Faith because people have watered down God and moulded him to make thier life styles correct and right. No Hope bacause every one puts her dwn because she is young. She knows she is gifted but the lack of recognition drives her and ultamately sucks her in to this world of despiar. Where the cries of many are carried on the silence down the shadowed alleys .

The last stanza takes me again to the store front and the warehouse as I read a newspaper that informs of another teen suicide. This time a young girl a promising singer / dancer/ poet / artist - who had nothing to live for. And a few blocks away at the local Medical Centre a new born child screams, and you think maybe just maybe this is the child who will change things, stem the flow, for collateral is found in the breath of life. There is Spirit here There is Belief here There is Hope here there is Vision and it's The Will to Live that will chase the demons away. Mother Nature gave us the one thing that she could she gave us a life more than that she gave us a chance. And maybe in the future that child who screams hope will go to the place where the Arc Angels cry and say to them "GET OFF YOUR KNEES THERE IS WORK TO BE DONE " And as we breathe in the oxygen of a new day lets start transforming the places where dying breeds lets turn the ground nurture and cultivate and start planting life's seeds.

Love this you are amazing as well as talented
Carl

[A LaDy NaMeD D]

you did good with the "nonrhyming", lol but there is nothing wrong with rhyming. but you did kind of rhyme at the end. I liked this poem though.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

This is excellent work LiLi, you wrote beautifully without the rhymes.

The flow and beat are excellent. You used choices words that spead across the page eloquetly.

Very nice write.