The God's of Pre-Existence

Again... trying not to rhyme. Bringing back the soul of the art.

The pulsating epiphany of conformed emotions

Begins to once again heighten sound

Through desolate vessels where love

Was once one with its creator

 

Just as the sun was thought to stand still

While time continued to evolve

There came a burst of oxygen feeding the flames

Where warmth now eluded

Beyond the particles of darkened loneliness

 

Using constellations

To map out the Gods of our pre-existence

You were found standing upon Venus

Healing the severed skies against mans past destruction

 

No longer did the egregious pollution filtrate

Through what seemed lost in nothingness

 

Now, an essence of universal revelation

Once again bestowed it's natural relevancy

Of a woman's worth

Author's Note

This is so familiar to me.... yet so unknown.

Reviews

[Christopher Marlowe]

I can recognize that you have some major ideas in this poem, but they need to be written with great care so they are clear to everyone.

First, you need the possessive "its" not the contraction it's (which means "it is").

I assume you mean "Beyond the particles of darkened loneliness" (spelling problems).

Also, I think you mean the word "egregious".

If you're really serious about writing, you need to be concerned about mispelled words. Otherwise editors and publishers won't take you seriously.

Best, CM

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

Very well written my love. I marvel at your vocab! It's really easy to see your maturity and experience in your writing. Your form and context is usually flawless. Knowing a little about you, it's good to see that about you, because I think we have things in common, but I hate rules and context in my own writing!

This was very beautifully done, and your descriptions of the incredible power that is woman?..... Perfect!

"Using constellations
To map out the Gods of our pre-existence
You were found standing upon Venus
Healing the severed skies against mans past destruction"

You go girl!!
This was incredible intelligent and poetic. Great write.......

[Dionysus Cain]

a womans worth i see, i enjoyed it, so good phrases and words used here,, i was on another trip until the end, i liked the suprise......godd read....

[Ravenskald]

I love the ideas in this, in parts I found it difficult but then I'm getting used to your style.

"Using constellations
To map out the Gods of our pre-existence
You were found standing upon Venus
Healing the severed skies against mans past destruction"
Is my favourite stanza

Not sure, but maybe this would come to gether if the stanzas where of equal length? (all 4 lines)
and this is an idea :) I write plenty of stuff freeform myself
~Raven

[Pakino]

"Now, an essence of universal revelation
Once again bestowed it's natural relevancy
Of a woman's worth"

Powerful stanza. Really nice. I had a blast reading your poem. Truly great.

[Li Li]

Thank you for the honest review.. I fixed the things you mentioned. Great pointers.

I am not one to publish, so I don't fret the little things. :O)

Honest reviews are the best reviews... so I am very thankful.