Fiction

Fiction

A Poem by Amanda
"

When everything seems like a lie. ((Written under the influence of life and fiction by the xx)

"
I know that nothing was real,
Every sweet word a lie.

I've run out of things to feel,
The only sound of me is a sigh.

I know that you chose her over me,
and trust me, its really okay.

I know this is all I will ever be,
A loser and failure every single day.

I've come to terms with who I am,
I've stopped trying to be someone I'm not.

Everyone chooses me to damn,
So happily in hell I stay and rot.

Maybe one day I'll be free,
Whatever the hell that means.

Because my darling, you see,
Not everything is as it seems.

© 2013 Amanda



Author's Note

Amanda
Review pretty pretty please? :)

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Reviews

To be honest it's veeerrry dramatic in an off-putting way. Such as the line that says, "Everyone chooses me to damn." It needs a little work to kind of balance it out. Dramatic works are my bread and butter, buuut there is a limit before it starts to become not-so-enjoyable. Maybe work on it a bit more? You seem to have talent from your words, it just needs a bit of work is all.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


This was a quite touching wonderful write.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Amanda

4 Years Ago

Thank You
I actually like it to be honest. Its plain and simple and easily understandable. In my opinion, the poem reads off as someone who is experiencing pain as well as anger too. Its something how our everyday lives can affect us in so many different ways. But I love the rhyhming of the words atthe end of each second line. You did a good job really. Every poem doesn't have to be long. Sometimes if you just keep it straight to the point, it flows a lot better. Although I will say that you may consider adding words that can paint a picture as well as alliteration, metaphors, similes, etc. Those very much will improve your poem. Good work.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Amanda

4 Years Ago

Thank you for the suggestions :)
So heartfelt and full of pain. No matter how anyone makes you feel you are a wonderful person with a bright future. Always remember that.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Amanda

4 Years Ago

Thanks :)
Carolann Dowsett

4 Years Ago

Welcome :)
Definitely could feel your emotion behind this one!
I have one suggestion, but it is strictly my opinion... in your second stanza I would change the second line to read "The only sound from me is a sigh" I think it flows a little better than the original line. That is strictly my opinion though and you do not need to change anything if you don't want to. :) Great piece though!

Posted 4 Years Ago


Amanda

4 Years Ago

Thanks for the input :)
CreativeStroke

4 Years Ago

You're welcome!
Aw, I can feel the sadness and longingness of the character. It's just that reality is harsher than what you think and such emotions are capable of leaving you disheveled after but, I think that those people who are capable of standing up for themselves, even at times of darkness, are very brave. This, I can truly relate to. Thanks for sharing!

Posted 4 Years Ago


Amanda

4 Years Ago

Thanks :)
broken trust expressed effectively in rhyme, such is a poet's passion, the reader can feel the heartache, nice job on the form and feeling, I like this.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Amanda

4 Years Ago

Thank You
D'awwwww this was beautifully wirtten! Your amazing, dont let NO one tell you different ya hear me?!

Posted 4 Years Ago


Amanda

4 Years Ago

Thanks haha
s y e

4 Years Ago

Welcome!
Ahhh someone definitely needs a hug! do you want me to kick his a*s for you? Cause I will! Been there (maybe not exactly) but enough to know it sucks. Great piece

Posted 4 Years Ago


Amanda

4 Years Ago

Thank ye haha :)
C.C. Marx

4 Years Ago

My pleasure, seriously though I can do some a*s-kicking, or you wanna, TAG TEAM :PP
So sad! :( *hugs* Beautifully written though, it flowed perfectly. And don't think so badly of yourself. :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


Amanda

4 Years Ago

Tanks :)

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Added on January 21, 2013
Last Updated on January 21, 2013
Tags: Real, fiction, the xx, break up, lies, cheats, beats, sad, tears, alone, loser, hell

Author

Amanda
Amanda

MA



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i haven't been on this website in like three years??? oh my god everything is so s****y??? body, a:hover {cursor: url(http://cur.cursors-4u.net/others/oth-8/oth704.cur), progress !important;} more..

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