A New Year

A New Year

A Poem by Farmgirl
"

A poem of Letting go & Starting over

"
Well another year has passed by and a new one has come and just beginning it seems

It wasn't an easy decision to set on fire old feelings and memories in an attempt to let go of possibilities that could be keeping this strong hold that remains from breaking from over me

As I stood there watching the flames engulf all of my deep sorrows and greatest fears filled with many nights of deep doubts and mixed emotions


There it all was instantly turned to ashes before me with the wind blowing each piece of my heart through the hot coals a part of me was dying today

I took a deep breath and released a heavy sigh as I stood there eyes welling up with salt water

I closed my eyes and

I shed a few more tears as I felt the darkness of the weights disappear


Id been bearing for so long slowly lifting off of my heart

lying there in an inferno there you remained even though deep down i wanted to reach in and pull you out I knew I had to let you burn up

never to be remembered what was written about you again this would be my last


I have short term memory loss and will never be able to recall those words of explaining about you again

I thought to myself am I going to be okay this year

No more Sucidal me

I refuse to accept defeat


I looked up for a moment peered back into the flames until there was nothing but your ashes that remain then I walked away

I did it finally I got brave and I burned up everything about you


Talk about difficulties

I never knew it would hurt so bad not knowing if burning it all was the right choice I was left in making

Mostly because I was fearful of what God was thinking

deep down I believe he understood though
it was time for me to LET IT GO
Holding onto you was killing me

I've given up almost everything except my Dark writing

It was all that was left that I was harboring
about what caused this PTSD

now that your gone deep down I feel empty and as if you got away with something because I'm the one who is left fearful to sleep and crying waking up screaming from nightmares of you

But I'm told that is supposed to be a good feeling to Let go

Time to start over only this time I'm not repeating History of writing about things I went through personally about you that hurt me and caused this to even be allowed to intrude on my life so forcefully and unexpectedly

I never should have opened pandoras box so to speak curiosity and desperation didn't suit me

Some doorways are meant to never be embraced I should have listened to my husband he warned me

I just had to have a problem with his authority



now all I want to do is escape and I'm longing for peace and sweet release

I just don't know how long this is supposed to last until this spell it seems has been casted is fully broken and I'm no longer cursed

All I know is its a New Year and 2016 is now over and I'm finally healing




I am hopeful that the memory of you will weaken enough that I won't be so easily broken anymore

I pray this ends fully before I am closed up in a coffin for good

I'd like to go out A Free Woman
And make it to the one place I've always desired to be

In Heaven for Eternity

My new years resolution
is ...


To Be Free

breaking chains this year


Your leaving


No more prisoner me



© 2017 Farmgirl



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Featured Review

i want to recognize the presentation of your writing. It is very unique in the way it looks and feels like a farewell to a close colleague. Rarely can a writer give the reader a glimpse into the story by the way it is simply formatted. The way it ends like a signature creates a twist. as an artist I would also add that i am so rooting for you to find freedom and not let anyone block you from that. : )

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Farmgirl

8 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind sincere acknowledgement... I too am hoping for the same ... (( hugs)))



Reviews

At times we have to take a bold step even though it breaks us. The right decision is not always easy.
You have carved a wonderful, powerful and very sad tale but the positive that one can take from this is that our life is precious and we should try to burn away all that has hurt us in the past.

Posted 8 Months Ago


and i loved every piece of your writing.
such an amazing work.
the way you have expressed is really stirring and it makes a connect with a reader
.
i thoroughly enjoyed every line of yours
keep up the good work .
All I know is its a New Year and 2016 is now over and I'm finally healing




I am hopeful that the memory of you will weaken enough that I won't be so easily broken anymore

I pray this ends fully before I am closed up in a coffin for good

I'd like to go out A Free Woman
And make it to the one place I've always desired to be

In Heaven for Eternity

My new years resolution
is ...


To Be Free
what an imagination !!!

Posted 8 Months Ago


"lying there in an inferno there you remained even though deep down i wanted to reach in and pull you out I knew I had to let you burn up

never to be remembered what was written about you again this would be my last


I have short term memory loss and will never be able to recall those words of explaining about you again"

Very sad and effective. Freeing oneself after all the negativity and futile sacrifices is appreciable and liberating. Keep them coming in the new year...:)...................


Posted 8 Months Ago


Farmgirl

8 Months Ago

It truly was ... I cannot even describe how much...

And definitely will do my best ... read more
Sami Khalil

8 Months Ago

Most welcome...:)...................
i want to recognize the presentation of your writing. It is very unique in the way it looks and feels like a farewell to a close colleague. Rarely can a writer give the reader a glimpse into the story by the way it is simply formatted. The way it ends like a signature creates a twist. as an artist I would also add that i am so rooting for you to find freedom and not let anyone block you from that. : )

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Farmgirl

8 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind sincere acknowledgement... I too am hoping for the same ... (( hugs)))
Happy New year and I hope you reach your goal.
"To Be Free
breaking chains this year
Your leaving
No more prisoner me "
The above lines. Needed often in a life. Hard to move away from some things and begin anew. Thank you Sunshine for sharing the excellent poetry. I start my vacation tomorrow. I will return and read more.
Coyote

Posted 9 Months Ago


Farmgirl

9 Months Ago

I look forward to your return

Enjoy your vacation my friend


.. read more
Coyote Poetry

9 Months Ago

Thank you.
Farmgirl

9 Months Ago

Your welcome
Sometimes we have to kiss the flames to realise we are alive and that the only way to move on is to burn those memories that hold us in their clutches.
Never easy to make that decision, but once done, we can begin to walk the path that was intended for us. New paths are scary as hell, but every path we have ever took was new once and we can only ever truly see new horizons if we move away from the past and stop looking back.
It is the time of year for resolutions, most of which will be broken...But think of this, maybe what was/is holding us back stopped us from seeing what we were/are meant to see in the first place. We have to forget the past, like the ashes they are and catch up to our own future, our destiny....for good and bad.
Nicely captured and totally relatable to most who read your words.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Farmgirl

9 Months Ago

Soo true Nemo

Thanks for visiting do return soon .
So true Wordman especially of letting go of things that hurt you for so long
But it was long over due


Posted 9 Months Ago


 wordman

7 Months Ago

you are welcome !

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398 Views
8 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on January 2, 2017
Last Updated on January 2, 2017

Author

Farmgirl
Farmgirl

Farmtown, MO



About
Who I am speaks for itself through my writing and it's up to you on how you choose to perceive me and the way I express freely with my God gifted writing more..

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