Memoirs of Past Eyes

I always thought you were looking at me, but you were only looking past me.

“I will forever miss my once accurate doppelganger, my pale companion, as he tries to forever persuade me with treatments for my love-sickness, even when I am struck with the realization of the impossibility of a reunion between such long forlorn lovers. If a shooting star sinks into the night’s dim dusk, I won’t wish for your overdue return.”

I think you saw me once, through that immovable smirk and complacent eyes you saw someone you could only look past in those forgotten days, someone who wasn't your beloved Jane. That one fleeting glance which pierced through all of my mental barriers broke me down into a flurry of leaking faucets, which would be so kindly put as oval brown eyes, made me silently whimper in self pity and denial.

I wanted to be alone.

Below my soaked face you could plainly see my heart jolting and restlessly trying to break free like a bird in a cage, but all you could do is continue to stare into my dead eyes as if it would somehow make you forget all about your beloved Jane. I wanted it to. I stared so gallantly back into your absorbing blue eyes which made me so furious at your nonchalance, I wanted you to feel my ever-lasting pain, I wanted you to be the one who could only be seen with selective eyes. I stood up. Breaking my heart in two I left you to see only one thing, the one thing you were always looking at.

Your beloved Jane.

Author's Note

Just something I put together in a few minutes in a depressing spree of high amounts of sad piano music, don't expect much in the way of grammar or spelling accuracy.

Reviews

[Annacate]

Yes, your writing can make people feel something. I could really put myself in your (or the main character's) shoes as you communicated with your eyes. And then I kind of felt triumphant at the end with your last line, because you're seeing something that the other person can't see in themself.

The first and last lines of the second paragraph confused me a little because I didn't know if it was the speaker's smirk or the other person's. And the part where the person only sees the speaker one time is disappointing, because it leads me to want to know what they saw and how they saw it but it's confusing as to what they saw. Did they see someone falling apart (leaky fawcets) or did they see something else? I ask these questions not to be overly critical but because I think that this piece is worthy of asking them over.
If you have the chance, please review my draft "Alone with Danny."