Dance In Despair..

In this autumn rain I flew away

To an unknown castle of dreary mine

Wings are tied, legs had parched

Aversed vocal and a dried tongue

Sung a song of vast distaste of pain.

None acclaimed except the rattle snake

Which is in search of a prey,

It danced to my lustrous song

Biting the filthy creature who was

A tomb of psychotic lunacy.

End of the day curtains closed

Enhancing the darkness,

I left with the broken wings

And pierced legs which once celebrated 

The light in mine, now they bid an adieu

To this burnt soul.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

WOW! This is a very dark & devious dance! Even tho Halloween isn't until end of October, I find myself ready to read & write some macabre themes. This is a good warm-up to my creative juices in this area. I love the way you weave in unexpected imagery & creatures (like the snake) that lend such poisonous overtones. Love: "psychotic lunacy" (I feel that way sometimes! *wink! wink!*)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the other kind of dance...the dance of doom...
sometimes we just have to dance around the flames, the ones we created to burn ourselves up with craziness...using chaotic matches.

[Surya]

Sometimes ye,...Thank you J.:)

[Ed Von Wolff]

"To an unknown castle of dreary mine" I am impressed! This line alone reminded me of something I would have came up with though never had. Also, the entire piece in its complexity is darkly scenic all together. Your avoidance of any rhyme scheme is something I also respect, you have your own style flowing effortlessly tumbling from one verse to the next. Well done

Take care

[Surya]

Thank you so much for your kind words..:)

[Coyote Poetry]

A difficult journey in the poem dear Surya. You made the reader feel the walls and the prison. I liked the flow of thoughts leading to the strong ending. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Surya]

Thank you so much John...:)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[wordman]

a sad touching write my friend

[Surya]

It is..Thank you wordman..:)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

ahan....mr.surya is getting wonderful these days...kya baat hai.
well done.
keep it up su.

[Surya]

Koyi baat nahi hai...waise hi...Thank you so much Dear...:)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

always a pleasure.

[Sandipta$]

Nice.... Creative..... N words r like... Wow...

[Surya]

Ohh, Thank you so much Sandipta..:)

[Mr.Writer]

An adventurous poem that takes us on a heart-breaking journey about a person and is really engaging to read and some could even connect to this, not literally but by emotions and feelings!
It was very well written!
Well done Surya, keep it up!

[Surya]

I guess so, Thank you Shaan...:)

[Mr.Writer]

No problem Surya! :)

[Najam Us Saher]

This created music of its own. I really liked this.

[Surya]

Haha, Thank you so much Sahe...am glad you liked it..:)

[Najam Us Saher]

You're welcome. ☺

[Jiya]

You made my mind dance with the flow of words!
The ending is a challenge in both poetry and story, but it seems as if you challenged the ending!

Keep writing!

[Surya]

Is it so...Thank you so much for your kind words...:)