Never a Bride, Not Even a Bridesmaid - an Essay

Still single? Fret not.....

The other day I got a call from a dear friend I've had since childhood.  She was calling with wonderful news - she had gotten engaged that day!  I was so happy for her, like myself she is pushing forty and has never been married.  Not that being unmarried in your thirties is some kind of tragedy but I think she was getting impatient. 

After we hooted and hollered a bit about her good news, she got down to brass tacks and asked me to be in her wedding.  Now, I love this friend and have loved her since I was eight, but I had to say "No".  As much as I would love to stand up with her on one of her most important days, it is just not something I can afford.  Before you judge me be aware that I make less than $11.00 per hour as a receptionist and this friend lives out of state.  She also has pretty expensive tastes - I can't even imagine what the shoes would cost, never mind the dress! 

Don't feel bad for me, though, it's all good.  Instead of being in the wedding, I will be designing and making a piece of jewelry for her to serve as her "something blue" on the big day.  But I was still all set to sit down and write a long, sad essay about how "everyone" else has gotten to have their big perfect wedding day, oh poor me.  And how "everyone" else who my friend asked was able to be in her wedding, oh poorest me again. 

But you know what?  F**k that s**t.

I refuse to let temporary circumstances mess my head up permanently.  Okay, so I'm almost 37 and have never been married, or even been asked for that matter.  I have no boyfriend, I am not seeing anyone, I'm not even on a dating site right now.  How I continue to live and breathe is a mystery of the universe, isn't it?!

No, not really.  Thank woman's lib or birth control or those godless pagans or whoever, but there is a fast growing movement of people on this earth who do not consider marriage and babies the end all, be all of human existence - believe it or not. 

For myself, I have found that when I stop and take a look back I find that the greatest times of growth and movement have been when I was single.  Those are the times in my life where I gained the most insight into myself, where I reached for things that seemed unreachable, that I stopped and made time to do those things.  Those are the times when I took that class or wrote that poem, when I went on that trip at the last minute.  The single times are the times I have made my greatest leaps and bounds.  I would not trade the growth, the knowledge or the pride in myself that I have gained during those times for all the wedding gifts in the world.

So even though I have never been a bride and cannot even be a bridesmaid, I am content with this.  I will show up to that wedding, sans date, and will celebrate love and new beginnings with my dearest of friends.  I will continue on my journey on my own, never knowing who or what might be lying in wait for me around that next corner.

Reviews

[Mockingbird]

i am currently the center of attention in my family of why i am not married yet. i live with my boyfriend for three years now and i am happy...and that's all that matters. it's very optimistic and encouraging when you say 'that the greatest times of growth and movement was when you were single...you're a strong person and can overcome the quotidien aspects of every day life and still find peace of mind. much discussion can from a piece like this.

[Samuel Dickens]

Yes, as many will attest, you don't know what's around the next corner. This is a tough, maybe even a delicate subject. My oldest son is 43, lives alone and has never been married. From a parent's perspective, it concerns me. I've always believed there is someone in the world for everyone, but the problem, of course, is finding them. You've got the right attitude, I think. It's far better to be cool, not fret about it, and wait for the fickle finger of fait to do its thing. I was never that patient, unfortunately, and dodged a bullet more than once. Outstanding writing, Suze.