Wanderer...

My withering wanderer

wounded by our cherry bomb romance

waiting to explode

all the nerves exposed

you stood over me, wonderfully

it leaked from your eyes

this lust that stopped my heart

the one night stand we never had

we were to afraid to touch

__ amazed at us__

you ran away

I stood you up

My sweet motovation

mulling over our murdered time

until you return

I'll keep a map marked

under my bed

of all the places you go

My life lesson

if you are listening

You're not desperate, desire

just wicked you want more

instead you leave me hollow

it's never like this in dreams

I surrender to nothing

salvation,

you seem to need something

 

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"we were to afraid to touch" Change the first "to" to "too"."My sweet motovation" Motivation. And this,

"You're not desperate, desire

just wicked you want more"

is run together. Are you addressing personified desire? If so, you might wish to put a semi-colon after the word "desire" and a comma after the word "wicked".

The content was wonderful. I like these lines, "until you return

I'll keep a map marked

under my bed

of all the places you go"

Overall, a fine piece. I rate 100%. I hope you found this review helpful.

[Perdition]

This gentle currency of you ...through your veins and through this offering.... the loss-attaitment running throughout .
You give everything and take it back as well...in knowledge...In
want .in perfection.
Think I'll sneak and drink of the bleach fire here awhile...great motivation in every gray page of yours.

[The Cougar's Den]

until you return
I'll keep a map marked
under my bed
of all the places you go

Just do it, chickadee, just do it. You know you want it bad...so bad, even I can taste it, as the desire drips onto your upturned palms...again. Just do it.

[cest la vie]

Really a wonderful piece..
Many great lines, so I'll just say I aore the entire piece.
:)

[TamiViolet]

Your words have a way of making me sit in silence, my friend. I can see why this one won an award.

'You''re not desperate, desire
just wicked, you want more'...

Very powerful words, and the personification is full of energy. Perfect concluding line as well. Your verse always leaves an air of mystery in one's mind...just enough to delight the senses...

[LJW]

I'm humbled by this piece, truly.

This bit is brilliant:

until you return

I'll keep a map marked

under my bed

of all the places you go

[An owl on the moon]

Intense and gripping, each line is like an ignited flame. Feelings of loss and regret wash over these intricate, vivid words. So amazing.

[DavidRyan]

Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant.

[Paza]

i added this to my favorites a little while back and keep being drawn back to it. your words are haunting...they leave me with a melancholy feeling and thoughts of 'murdered time'...this is really beautiful.

[Poeticpiers]

Might have beens can be sad or happy according to your mood. But always a waste of time you can't change the past