Chains

To the one
with the large hands who built a home
of sinews and strength out of my heart.
I apologize, we are
not star crossed after all,
I was caught standing
in the crossfire.
crushing sparks with closed fists.
Known always as your clever half;
too clever by half.
I've caused too much chaos
to come back again
and you broke another mirror
with your crooked, thin lipped smile
but still,
you are beautiful to somebody
as if it matters.
You watch
these strangers fall in love with me.
I remain faithful,
just not the way you would have me be.
I'm in reverse,
and through the ruins of us
I want to run with you.
 

Reviews

[Tate Morgan]

This is your best by my opinion I love it

[Jonathan Ballam]

Although this poem is call Chains, the ending offers a sense of freedom and redemption. The image "crushing sparks with closed fists" really worked for me.

Good choice of the word run in the last line. To me it sounds like despite all the choatic realtionships you see around you, you still want to get up and run with someone. Whether is to run alongside the events, or run away from what you have seen and experienced is ambiguous. Incredible work!

[An owl on the moon]

This is a stunning write, vividly portraying the painful resolve relationships often take. You infuse your work with such profound depth and raw emotion, and you take us inside to a place of intimate revelation. Amazing...

[Fabian G. Franklin]

If you want improve this, I'd suggest a few changes. But first I want to say I really love the piece or I wouldn't even bother offering to help. As the old saying goes, "you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear." But you can mend a silk purse that is torn and make it look like new. Here are the changes I suggest. I'm just going to copy and paste the entire poem here and add the changes. If you don't like them, don't use them but I think they will improve the structure and the logical progression of this unique and delightful poem.

To the one
with the large hands who built a home
of sinews and strength out of my heart.
I apologize, we are
not star crossed after all,
I was caught standing
in the crossfire.
crushing sparks with closed fists.
Known always as your clever half;
too clever by half.
I've caused too much chaos
to come back again
and you broke another mirror
with your crooked, thin lipped smile
but still,
you are beautiful to somebody
as if it matters.
You watch
these strangers fall in love with me.
I remain faithful,
just not the way you would have me be.
I'm in reverse,
and through the ruins of us
I want to run with you.

[Janice Ann]

Your writing really puts my head in crazy position. I really do love this piece. There is a truth that can't be hid. Thanks for this!
Janice

[The Cougar's Den]

You watch
these strangers fall in love with me.
I remain faithful,
just not in the way you would have me.

I actually love this entire piece, line by line...Chains, they bind us together and can tear us apart.

Brilliant!

[Orlando Murcia]

Relationships are a trip, lot's of confusion with mixed emotions fueld by flesh
very well written and explained so poetically in this piece

Nice Work!

Orlando M

[The Flawed]

This is so beautifully written and honest, I love the way you tell the whole story of this relationship without having to say anything about it, (you have all the hair in the back of my nick standing on ends),
I know how he feels; I know how she feels,
Such tangled webs we weave
But what do I know?
Very well done

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

What do I say, I am speechless again... I am astounded by the way you project those feelings love you want but you know you shouldn't, that at least is what I take from this wonderfully emotional outcry.