Rain

He lies on his side

arms wrapped tightly around firm pillows

pressing his fingers into the sides

trying to feel a pulse

he knows she's miles away

but he can still feel her heartbeat 

surging through his veins

up through his brain the blood whistles

soft, warm, wet

thoughts like rainclouds

he waits for the rain

to take into his lungs the refreshing downpour

that is her love

he's been waiting months 

impatiently checking the days off his calendar

waiting for the day he can put on his rain-boots 

embrace her soaking wet

feel the 

                                                                pitter patter

pitter patter

          pitter patter 

of her heart

he sets his alarm clock daily 

waiting for the day 

she'll finally replace his pillow

Reviews

[AmandaN]

I love the way you have written this,the way the rain seems to flow through the entire piece.
Whimsical and hopeful but sad nonetheless in his suffering for his love!

[Hotwater]

A very nice piece of quality.

*bird*

[Rita L. Sev]

The heart sighs at this read. Very well done.

[Robert Lindsay]

I was lost in the metaphors and imagery, but pleasantly lost.. ;)

[Clockwork]

I really like the lines in this one about the rain. You do a very nice job of using Onamonapia in this one. Those lines about the rain and the pitter patter of her heart really brought that to life. I really like how you build that with the detail of the rain and how he puts on those rainy day clothes in the third stanza of this one. My favorite lines in this one are your last stanza. They have that very classic romantic sentiment in them. I know the feeling of them very well. They=

[Sharon L.H. Kelly]

This is a very romantic, well written piece. His wistfulness is palpable. Love how you formatted "pitter patter" falling like raindrops.

[Sam]

I love how you wrap the rain with visions and thoughts of his lover. It is perfect. The flow I like the pace is gentle like the rain. The suspense gets you. But the voice is heard. Great read and awesome write. Thank you for the read request.

[kublakhan27]

This will be the first time I've mentioned this to you, but I get around to telling all my friends here at one point or another that I am obsessed with the weather and the changing of the seasons...as a highly weather-sensitive person from a mood standpoint, this resonates with me on a deep level in the way you manipulate the rain to drive home the loneliness of this imagery...I'm quickly learning that you have a greatly diverse poetic voice ;)

[zainul]

Such a touching story!
Love the idea of pillow that will be replaced by the woman.
Very romantic and tangible piece.

[Melanie Genevieve]

Thank you so much for your words. I appreciate you stopping by! :)

[zainul]

You are always welcome,talented poet.:)

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

This is a very good poem, and definitely strikes a chord with my life! Long distance relationships are not at all easy and definitely require a lot of trust and patience, but even constant texting and Facebooking don't replace physical presence.

[Melanie Genevieve]

Thanks Cher!! and word :(