Surrender

Surrender

 

Pathetic age -

empty, alone.

A single kiss

remains within -

so soon I'm gone.

 

My passions spent,

emotions cold -

a weary warmth

will tell my heart

your love withholds.

 

The absent touch

will take a toll,

no embers left,

no words console,

I’ve lost control.

 

Desire remains -

ardent, tender.

No vim, vigor!

To loneliness,

I surrender.

 

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

Don't remind me that I'm already there, Todd. But in truth, love can be rekindled, it just depends on how much effort you put into it. Relationships have to be worked at, or they just fade away into irrelevance.
Interesting that you're experimenting with form, minimalist lines, rhyme etc.
One crit - 4th line third verse, shouldn't that be 'consul=console'.

[Mark]

An old man, sitting in his armcahir in the corner of a darkened room, finally, reluctantly bids adieu to that ethereal quantity called happiness, so long sought, never fully captured, and consigns what remains of his life to angry, bitter old-man-hood. Pity.

[Meredith Leigh]

Lovley, I enjoyed reading the sweet words that were used to convey the meaning. Great write!

- Kriss

[Emily B]

this is fine, fine work.

[J.Black]

Emotional. I am truly touched.

[poet2angels (lynda)]

Thank you for allowing us to peek into your world.
Sometimes, when you are not trying to impress, you actually do...This is excellent!

TY for entering!

Lynda

[Valentine]

Aww..this one sound so sad..surely with your face you can find some fire in that furnace..Touching write,,God bless..Valentine

[Cardinal Robin]

"Duuuuude" you should be writing lyrics for bands like Dresden Dolls. This is exemplary of how most of us feel in the barren modern world of material obsession. For myself when I reach this point, it is as though I feel a poking on my chest and when I look to see who it is demanding my attention, needing my all, surprise, it is me, though I am already bereft by then. Excellent experiment from you. I enjoy your pushing the envelope as much as my own!
As a natural healer I also know that this is exemplary of how the energy of love takes on the form and formless, the light and dark, in its eternal movement towards expression. It is within diving into what we resist most that we will find the energy to transform our lives toward our destiny. There is no away, so we must move toward...
Great stuff.
Robin

[Mark D. Chevalier]

If I hadn't stepped through the shattered room of my own broken glass I might have been afraid. But you know how scar tissue forms, more resiliant than the soft pink flesh of first loves, and fumbling fingers in the backseat of your high school Camaro...

I thought you measured this poem very well. It was direct and at the same time very emotional. Too bad we have to live a little on the darker side of reality to fully understand its lonely consequences.

Nice work, as always my friend!
Mark

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Well you did impress me. I loved it.

[Phibby Venable]

I like this very much. Love is exhausting at times & has to be nudged all over the place.
good work.