Suicidal Thoughts

Suicidal Thoughts

A Poem by Tonya

Suicidal Thoughts

I'm trapped in a box with no intentions to survive

Praying.... asking God why am I still alive

I go to sleep each night knowing everything I say is a lie

Knowing that is enough for me to breakdown and cry

My father taught me to be tough and conquer your fears

My mother taught me how to love and it's ok to shed a couple tears

I struggle each day to survive living my life with doubt

I'm trapped in a death hole with no hopes of getting out

I've been tormented by the devil ever since I was a little boy

He is the puppet master and I'm his #1 toy

I've been bullied, misunderstood, charged with guilt to my heart

Slowly but surely I'm loosing my mind.... And my heart and soul is falling apart

I can't help myself no matter how hard I try

I need to find a way the clock is winding down to the day I die

It's like the devil has control over me at least that's how it seems

He usually gets me like Freddy Krueger.... When I'm asleep, in my dreams

I was raised in the church my mom said when you're in trouble look for a way in the light

But I'm too lost in the world and blinded by the night

At this point in my life I am mentally unstable

But I'm going to keep my eyes on God because I know he is able

I have worn a mask all my life nobody knows or understands me

They think I have it all good... look harder and you will really see

I love you mom and I'm really trying to find a way

But the only way you can help me is to continue to pray

There were times you never listened to what I had to say

That's part of the reason I am who I am today

But I'm on the right track I'm determined to find my way

All because you said you loved me and it will be ok

I used to live each day with no hopes for tomorrow

Walking with my head down filled with shame and sorrow

There were times where I felt I was on the world's hit list

So depressed my face looking like death ready to slit my wrists

As a man I feel for myself I have to provide

It's enough pressure for a man to commit suicide

As I engraved death in my arm I started to bleed

Even though God is all I want and all that I need

Stress is building up in my heart and mind

Wondering when my time is up and if I'm ready to die

I put the gun to my head and closed my eyes

I said Lord take me now I'm ready to die

As I pulled the trigger no bullet came out

Then I thought to myself aren't I suppose to be dead now

I opened my eyes and saw the light

A voice said I love you with all my might

If it was my mom I don't know why

Then they said I love you it's not time for you to die

So as I look to the sky I thank God for saving me

If it weren't for him I don't know where I would be

I know its all over my faith has been restored

I have no thoughts of death.... evil can't touch me anymore

Now you know who I used to be and how I became the new me

When I was trapped in a box........ But now I'm free

© 2015 Tonya

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this is really good and well spoken

Posted 1 Year Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

even if you don win live life, you have won me
moderator,live life

Posted 1 Year Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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2 Reviews
Added on May 26, 2015
Last Updated on May 26, 2015



Beloit, WI

I am feeling better then ever. more..

We Made It!! We Made It!!

A Story by Tonya

Nothing Nothing

A Story by Tonya