but not being it

but not being it

A Chapter by TLK
"

Untied sneakers make snakes.

"
Previous Version
This is a previous version of but not being it.



you know that I love you he lied through his redsauna face as the tv shouted the importance of cereals fortified with vitamins and minerals. Billy sat and watched his untied sneakers make snakes on the floor.

no, really, he said turning towards him if you were gone i wouldnt know what to do.

Billy kicked a little and the snakes coiled and sprung.

youre all i have left. youre everything to me. i know that sometimes i ask too much of you, you look after yourself and you look after me too. you nurse me through the badtimes and its all because of the beer. you dont cry when i hit you even though you must be afraid.

Billy wondered whether crocodiles really did cry.

you put me to bed and clean up my mess and you look after yourself and you dont tell anyone. it's not fair for me to ask but you do it.

and he went on.

Billy thought of this so that he didnt have to look at his father, lying through his redsauna face, saying sorry for what he did, but not being it.



© 2013 TLK





Featured Review

This is bleak, TLK - and all too common, I fear. How can kids grow mentally healthily in this scenario? Yes, we all have our own neuroses based on our own traumas - and develop defence mechanisms to cope with them, but all too often, for some.....
Your writing is perceptive and not forced. I shall read more. P.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

I think I'd take a single "perceptive and not forced" over a million less carefully-chosen complimen.. read more
Pete Langley

4 Years Ago

My pleasure. P



Reviews

2nd para. Period between him and if?

Real and surreal... Well drawn - good flow.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

I wrote this 'as a child', so punctuation is lacking throughout. This is what gives it the flow... I.. read more
Chris

4 Years Ago

You could have...but the crypticness would likely have lost your readers' understanding.
Certainly creates an unpleasant image, but very vivid.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


Perceptive and not forced definitely. You captured that sober selfish sorry bit of addiction really well, and how it toughens and damages the people that have to deal with it.
Very well written

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you. "Toughens and damages" is a perceptive juxtaposition.
This is bleak, TLK - and all too common, I fear. How can kids grow mentally healthily in this scenario? Yes, we all have our own neuroses based on our own traumas - and develop defence mechanisms to cope with them, but all too often, for some.....
Your writing is perceptive and not forced. I shall read more. P.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

I think I'd take a single "perceptive and not forced" over a million less carefully-chosen complimen.. read more
Pete Langley

4 Years Ago

My pleasure. P

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4 Reviews
Added on February 19, 2013
Last Updated on February 19, 2013
Tags: crocodiles, snakes, sneakers, vitamins


Author

TLK
TLK

Birmingham, West Midlands, United Kingdom



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Signed up to the Pledge to Civil Conduct in Discourse on Writer's Cafe: please challenge me if you think I am breaking either the letter or the spirit of the rules. I try to review well myself (see.. more..

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