This is happening now

Look.

The sack of meat has eyes

Just like they do

But even though swollen

Red flesh puffs oozing

They are the pair that

Still seem alive.

Just like any wet sack

Redness tracks behind it

Red eddies lay sated

On the ground's lips.

The sack of meat has voice

Just like they do

But this one actually speaks

Its own words

Rather than another's.

It says, gasping:

“Do not abandon truth.

“Truth always involves doubt.

“Do not mistrust doubt.”

Its toes leave a long line in the dirt

For so few words.

It says, spitting:

“Confidence in a lie.

“It always hurts others.

“This is happening now.”

Its knees leave a long line in the dirt

For so few words.

It says, praying:

“Ask your heart if

this is right ask

your heart for answers.”

Its blood trickled a long way on the ground

For even fewer bullets.

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

a brutal poem. A vivid kick to the groin - so often we depersonalize, dehumanize or simply do not register the humanity. The bleeding masses are just meat sacks. I am a writer and have been for over thirty years - but I just puke up whatever indigestible leavin's of the day and call it good. Sometimes I might plate it a little differently but for the most part its offal. It says little about the human condition outside my own myopia. But this - this just sunk its fangs into my leg like a rabid terrier. Yup. Great write. I read your "about me - 260 reviews recieved? I know that I have given far more reviews than I have received here but I am planted in my corner at the cafe.

[TLK]

You have gleaned the heart of the poem astutely. I wonder if we can consciously fight these dehumanising force. We all know that we do them, because we put ourselves (at least in a loose 'civilisation' sense) so that can fight our enemies. But our enemies are each other, and it is too hard to find out, now, who committed the first wrong.

[tamsen grier]

The most useful revision advice a poet ever gave me was to always cut the first stanza of your drafts and see what happens. I would recommend this advice to you for this poem: cut the first stanza, see what happens. You can always bring it back later, but for me there is something very chilling about "The sack of meat had eyes/just like they did" as opening lines. Too frequently, our first stanzas are background, are a "warm up" before the poetry starts. As sharp as you first stanza is, I notice that it's not as compact as the rest of the poem. It also gives background that we don't necessarily need. We don't need to know what happened to this specific "sack of meat"; we all know it in our gut and our memory. It is the most horribly mangled body we have ever seen; it is the vision of our realization of human suffering.

One picky thing: In the second stanza, "just like any wet sack" is grammatically modifying "the dust." Is this what you intended? For me, the image isn't quite coming together.

What I love: The repetition of "for such few." The last line really is a kick in the gut. As others have noted, the depersonalization of "it" is very effective in this piece. I love "bruised and seeping"--those words sound great together and create a powerful image.

What I love most: "Truth always involves doubt."

So true, without a doubt.

[TLK]

I considered what you said as deity's hand might consider a final judgement. Thank you for offering such clear and useful advice (which stretches far beyond just this one poem). I have done my best to honour it with relevant changes. You are truly offering me an opportunity to improve, and I am ridiculously glad of it.

[Emery]

I am a sucker for dark imagery, a really interesting and thoughtful poem. I really enjoyed the heavy contrast between enjambment and speech, and I loved the way you used a disconnection between body parts/ bodily fluids and 'it'. Really thoughtful poem and I see why you stick to shorter pieces as it is clearly a strength! Fantastic :)

[TLK]

You have discerned some very important points about both the poetic and narrative techniques used, which I always find gratifying. Thanks for being such a thoughtful reader.

[Bart]

Amazing :O

[TLK]

What did you like about it, Bart?

[Bart]

Well "ask
your heart for answers."

the final sentence :3 True for almost everything. And that got me thinking, which is a very good thing.

[TLK]

Brilliant, I love to make readers think. Thanks for your awesome comments!

[A.E. Surdam]

Interesting and complex. Gives me chills. Nice.