Small birds laying cuckoo eggs

Small birds laying cuckoo eggs

A Poem by TLK

Previous Version
This is a previous version of Small birds laying cuckoo eggs.



my parents promised me more happiness than they could earn
so
here i am fat with stolen plenty and hungry for more

i love my parents
i will never leave them

i bet
that
they wish they hadn't laid my cuckoo egg
and let me hatch all wet and dark
already dwarfing them with the
might
of my expectations

my hollow back contained all their dreams as it
hoisted
them to fall subtly
out
of
the
nest

i love my parents
i will never leave them

all they had left was me and i let them know it
beak bright
beak straight
beak pointed to the sky
calling calling forever calling for
more

eyes darting madly they wonder at what is left
what extra layer of plumpness can they bring
what favour they can call in
which friend they can swindle
how much lower they can debase myself for my opportunities



i love my parents
i will never leave them
not until i get a better offer

© 2013 TLK





Featured Review

Chuffed or not, for them to miss out on the endearing sentiment of their sacrifices for your happiness, that you paint would be shameful. Great piece TLK, I just have one note, in this line I found myself thinking you had made a mistake in your wording. "how much lower they can debase myself for my opportunities" I may be wrong, but to me, "they" would debase "themselves" sounds more appropriate.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

That is a typo that you've highlighted, but I'm not sure whether I actually prefer it to what I mean.. read more
Astro

4 Years Ago

Always will be a nice descriptive poem nonetheless.
TLK

4 Years Ago

I've attempted to clear that point up, and have overhauled the whole overall. Thanks for pointing ou.. read more



Reviews

From the title you had me hooked, but you kept my interest long after completion. The ending really resonates. I almost feel shocked at the realisation of how deserving we have come to believe we are.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

I DESERVE THIS PRAISE
what pleasure i had reading this...sparked up my imaginations, touched my emotions.
wonderful TLK, really!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you for being such a receptive tinder box.
Wow. The content in this work is amazing. The first lines really grabbed me and made me sit up. I see this very thing happening and they don't even see what they are doing.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I perceive a more metaphysical vision in this piece--I see the true dreams and desires of the individual being pushed aside by false dreams, by what he/she is being brainwashed or conditioned to think is true.

That shiny sportscar, that big house or that body, carved to perfection, promises love and all that you ever wanted--all that you need to make you happy. In the end, there is the hollowness, the empiness where one is left to wonder--where did the truth, where did those real dreams we once had go?

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you for a very perceptive review.
Mother Maggie

4 Years Ago

Thank you for sharing such a wonderfully stark piece--I loved its elegance, simplicity and sublime c.. read more
i know I wasn't as selfish as I think but in many ways i see myself in this. I even now live my life with such strange levels of self indulgence.i got one parents love but the other completely lacking i guess I am partly this person. this is a good little thought for me. thanks for the game changer < 3
Jessie ^o_o^

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I enjoyed this very much. I needed some inspiration ;) I am glad I had the opportunity to read this

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

I hope it doesn't inspire you to mollycoddle a young chick.
M Sanders

4 Years Ago

No that's not what I meant, your just sick;) jk
Aha! I see what you've done and it is magnificent.

I am trying very hard to raise my children without the umbrella of entitlement. So many parents, it seem, have it poised over their children's heads, waiting to catch every drop of disillusionment and sorrow and disappointment, casting it all off into the gutter, never to touch their precious, special snowflakes. No. My kids have to be hungry, they have to stay hungry or they'll give up the fight long before it even begins.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

I like your sentiments.

I find it morally objectionable to raise children to be 'specia.. read more
jkhatz

4 Years Ago

We reward mediocrity, level the playing field so no one can rise above it. Kids grow up thinking eve.. read more
TLK

4 Years Ago

I would rather honestly celebrate earnest mediocrity than assert a fallacious excellence-for-all.read more
Excuse my language,
But damn this is raw. I mean there is such a level of descriptive metaphor it is almost enough to make the reader reel about as if they were the parents of the narrator. Your ending leaving nothing to desire in contemplation of the pieces closing other then the profound statement solidifying what the reader has been thinking the whole while.

I loved the correlation I saw between the sets of lines.

"my parents promised me more happiness than they could earn
so
here (i) am fat with stolen plenty and hungry for more"
Typo?

and

"what favour they can call in
which friend they can swindle"

It pulls the piece together with a seamless zigzag stitch. I say most excellent piece friend. I true 100/100 for concept, execution, and pure artistic value.
Sincerely
Christopher

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you for the support, Chris. I definitely meant this to be raw: but I hope that this person doe.. read more
unsavable_soul

4 Years Ago

I think it does,
I found myself analyzing my own behavior in light of the thoughts provoked b.. read more
not bad

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

I shall treasure this review always.
Adri Moolman

4 Years Ago

hahahaha :)
Chuffed or not, for them to miss out on the endearing sentiment of their sacrifices for your happiness, that you paint would be shameful. Great piece TLK, I just have one note, in this line I found myself thinking you had made a mistake in your wording. "how much lower they can debase myself for my opportunities" I may be wrong, but to me, "they" would debase "themselves" sounds more appropriate.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

That is a typo that you've highlighted, but I'm not sure whether I actually prefer it to what I mean.. read more
Astro

4 Years Ago

Always will be a nice descriptive poem nonetheless.
TLK

4 Years Ago

I've attempted to clear that point up, and have overhauled the whole overall. Thanks for pointing ou.. read more

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28 Views
2 Reviews
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on May 2, 2013
Last Updated on May 2, 2013
Tags: small birds, cuckoo eggs, they eat a lot, man is that a bad scene, you don't want to get involved, hey man just listen to me, i'm speaking to you

Author

TLK
TLK

Birmingham, West Midlands, United Kingdom



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Signed up to the Pledge to Civil Conduct in Discourse on Writer's Cafe: please challenge me if you think I am breaking either the letter or the spirit of the rules. I try to review well myself (see.. more..

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