Small birds laying cuckoo eggs

my parents promised me more happiness than they could earn
so
here i am fat with stolen plenty and hungry for more

i love my parents
i will never leave them

i bet
that
they wish they hadn't laid my cuckoo egg
and let me hatch all wet and dark
already dwarfing them with the
might
of my expectations

my hollow back contained all their dreams as it
hoisted
them to fall subtly
out
of
the
nest

i love my parents
i will never leave them

all they had left was me and i let them know it
beak bright
beak straight
beak pointed to the sky
calling calling forever calling for
more

eyes darting madly they wonder at what is left
what extra layer of plumpness can they bring
what favour they can call in
which friend they can swindle
how much lower they can debase myself for my opportunities



i love my parents
i will never leave them
not until i get a better offer

Reviews

[Astro]

Chuffed or not, for them to miss out on the endearing sentiment of their sacrifices for your happiness, that you paint would be shameful. Great piece TLK, I just have one note, in this line I found myself thinking you had made a mistake in your wording. "how much lower they can debase myself for my opportunities" I may be wrong, but to me, "they" would debase "themselves" sounds more appropriate.

[TLK]

That is a typo that you've highlighted, but I'm not sure whether I actually prefer it to what I meant (which is 'themselves' as you've pointed out).

Maybe the cuckoo is aware that the actions of the parent hurts the child the most. I'll come back to this tomorrow and think about it again.

[Astro]

Always will be a nice descriptive poem nonetheless.

[TLK]

I've attempted to clear that point up, and have overhauled the whole overall. Thanks for pointing out the error -- my conscious mind and my sly fingers were pulling in different directions!

[The_Metal_Guru]

From the title you had me hooked, but you kept my interest long after completion. The ending really resonates. I almost feel shocked at the realisation of how deserving we have come to believe we are.

[TLK]

I DESERVE THIS PRAISE

[dicey jones]

what pleasure i had reading this...sparked up my imaginations, touched my emotions.
wonderful TLK, really!

[TLK]

Thank you for being such a receptive tinder box.

[Angi]

Wow. The content in this work is amazing. The first lines really grabbed me and made me sit up. I see this very thing happening and they don't even see what they are doing.

[Mother Maggie]

I perceive a more metaphysical vision in this piece--I see the true dreams and desires of the individual being pushed aside by false dreams, by what he/she is being brainwashed or conditioned to think is true.

That shiny sportscar, that big house or that body, carved to perfection, promises love and all that you ever wanted--all that you need to make you happy. In the end, there is the hollowness, the empiness where one is left to wonder--where did the truth, where did those real dreams we once had go?

[TLK]

Thank you for a very perceptive review.

[Mother Maggie]

Thank you for sharing such a wonderfully stark piece--I loved its elegance, simplicity and sublime clarity--well crafted

[Jessica Gillitzer]

i know I wasn't as selfish as I think but in many ways i see myself in this. I even now live my life with such strange levels of self indulgence.i got one parents love but the other completely lacking i guess I am partly this person. this is a good little thought for me. thanks for the game changer < 3
Jessie ^o_o^

[M Sanders]

I enjoyed this very much. I needed some inspiration ;) I am glad I had the opportunity to read this

[TLK]

I hope it doesn't inspire you to mollycoddle a young chick.

[M Sanders]

No that's not what I meant, your just sick;) jk

[jkhatz]

Aha! I see what you've done and it is magnificent.

I am trying very hard to raise my children without the umbrella of entitlement. So many parents, it seem, have it poised over their children's heads, waiting to catch every drop of disillusionment and sorrow and disappointment, casting it all off into the gutter, never to touch their precious, special snowflakes. No. My kids have to be hungry, they have to stay hungry or they'll give up the fight long before it even begins.

[TLK]

I like your sentiments.

I find it morally objectionable to raise children to be 'special' when to be lumped in with the majority of humanity means -- to my eyes -- a life of almost certain heartbreak. The lie that we "are all special" is all the worse because it SHOULD mean something: but to make it mean something we would have to act on it.


Oh well, at least I saved a bumblebee from drowning yesterday.

[jkhatz]

We reward mediocrity, level the playing field so no one can rise above it. Kids grow up thinking everything will be handed to them and they'll be appreciated... it doesn't work like that.

It is absolutely morally objectionable. If you've always had a soft bed to land in, when you finally do hit the rocks, it's going to hurt far worse.

[TLK]

I would rather honestly celebrate earnest mediocrity than assert a fallacious excellence-for-all.read moreI would rather honestly celebrate earnest mediocrity than assert a fallacious excellence-for-all.

We should all have aspirations to better ourselves for collective growth. Why not make money so that we can be philanthropists? Why not do your job well so that others can be enabled to do the same? Why mock those who work as public servants for being slaves to the unhinged whims of the masses?

To have these aspirations, however, we must be realistic. Not all can aspire to mightiness (perhaps, even, Norgitude?) and the mighty surely need those of lesser stoutness to give them a full and round life.

[unsavable_soul]

Excuse my language,
But damn this is raw. I mean there is such a level of descriptive metaphor it is almost enough to make the reader reel about as if they were the parents of the narrator. Your ending leaving nothing to desire in contemplation of the pieces closing other then the profound statement solidifying what the reader has been thinking the whole while.

I loved the correlation I saw between the sets of lines.

"my parents promised me more happiness than they could earn
so
here (i) am fat with stolen plenty and hungry for more"
Typo?

and

"what favour they can call in
which friend they can swindle"

It pulls the piece together with a seamless zigzag stitch. I say most excellent piece friend. I true 100/100 for concept, execution, and pure artistic value.
Sincerely
Christopher

[TLK]

Thank you for the support, Chris. I definitely meant this to be raw: but I hope that this person does not exist. Perhaps I am trying to warn humanity from creating this kind of monster.

[unsavable_soul]

I think it does,
I found myself analyzing my own behavior in light of the thoughts provoked by this work. I had to consider for a moment at least my own selfish nature and the acts of others I know as well. So all the better knowing your piece also fulfilled it's purpose.
Chris

[Adri Moolman]

not bad

[TLK]

I shall treasure this review always.

[Adri Moolman]

hahahaha :)