Revealing fractures

Revealing fractures

A Poem by TLK

Previous Version
This is a previous version of Revealing fractures.



I shall love you in all the small moments, I shall live in those scant seconds when you forget. I will be the bursting taste of a lie in your mouth; I will be amongst the many frayed edges of your hungry anemone heart. Do you feel that pain? That insistent pain of hearing my name? Hold on to that chafing chain -- hold fast onto it and sense that true love stains you, through and through you are deep and black with this iodine. It soaks in and reveals the fractures, it lies behinds the smiles you manufacture. Remember me, for you are mine: I am all the shivers that twist your spine. Cry out, cry out in the middle of the night, even though I am gone and out of sight the grass and the trees and the world push through me and new life flows and old life knows that tomorrow is just like yesterday. So now we cup our empty hands and wait for nothing. And it is in the small moments that this phantom's hands will touch yours, and your cup will fill to spilling with half-dreamed maybes.

© 2013 TLK





Featured Review

This left my body deeply bothered. It send shivers down my spine and made my skin prickle. There is a pervading sense of dread, like the approaching shadow of regret, the fear of revenge, un-understandable pain with no decipherable explanation. I love the metaphor of iodine, revealing faults, like the mind does at the end of a relationship, which we idealized, hiding the blemishes for the sake of momentary happiness. Bravo.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you for being bothered -- it means a lot when a reader engages with the writing like that. I'm.. read more
Saint No-One

4 Years Ago

Good writing deserves good reviewing. It's the only way that the process of creation serves a purpos.. read more
TLK

4 Years Ago

I'm putting you on my hall of fame (see the bottom of my profile) because you ARE GETTING IT RIGHT.



Reviews

This left my body deeply bothered. It send shivers down my spine and made my skin prickle. There is a pervading sense of dread, like the approaching shadow of regret, the fear of revenge, un-understandable pain with no decipherable explanation. I love the metaphor of iodine, revealing faults, like the mind does at the end of a relationship, which we idealized, hiding the blemishes for the sake of momentary happiness. Bravo.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you for being bothered -- it means a lot when a reader engages with the writing like that. I'm.. read more
Saint No-One

4 Years Ago

Good writing deserves good reviewing. It's the only way that the process of creation serves a purpos.. read more
TLK

4 Years Ago

I'm putting you on my hall of fame (see the bottom of my profile) because you ARE GETTING IT RIGHT.
eeyow! I just stopped and let my mind roll around in the image of a "hungry anemone heart" - hearts are so overused and over metaphorized - much like sparkly vampires and yet - bang - never read a metaphor like this - and my mind just goes off in a bajillion different directions. Love the little rhymes - pain, chain, stains all subtle - the rest of the poem is a spill a chant a rant - unfettered - chaotic. Also the line "So now we cup our empty hands and wait for nothing." Yes. This is a great write.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you for appreciating the unusual nature of this poem. You picked out a line that I also think .. read more
I love this poem a lot! I thought the imagery was intriguing and it definitely kept me hooked...I actually felt like I could feel that shiver in my spine when I read it. I also think it's really relatable for everyone that has gone through this, or fears love too much to risk giving it a try. Amazing how somehow the smallest moments of that phantom's love can keep us holding on!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Jay
I got lost in the flow ~ dreamily so. I don't want to shake my head clear and read it again: cerebrally. I like the maya more so.
Maybe I will come back to this, but for now: this feels nice.
Thanks for sharing.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The first paragraph is a bit of a mouth full with all the I, you, your, it, itself... it took me a couple of times to read it correctly in my head but i loved it when i did..

Really nice piece of writing i love it when someone can really get in to the depths of how you feel after a heart ache. the bitter resentment but at the same time the longing for the other to still think about them. im sure everyone has felt this way before and i bet they wished they could articulate their feelings like this.

(at least this is what i got from it, maybe i missed the mark)

beautifully done.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you for your comments. I've rewritten that first paragraph already and now might have to tackl.. read more
RyanXIII

4 Years Ago

maybe try to say it less like a properly structured sentnce and more like a reel of emotions...
read more

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92 Views
5 Reviews
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Added on May 4, 2013
Last Updated on May 10, 2013
Tags: true love, iodine, remembering, forgetting, new life, old love
Previous Versions

Author

TLK
TLK

Birmingham, West Midlands, United Kingdom



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Signed up to the Pledge to Civil Conduct in Discourse on Writer's Cafe: please challenge me if you think I am breaking either the letter or the spirit of the rules. I try to review well myself (see.. more..

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