long and not longer

When times were better -- before you met her and decided that love was only so long and not longer -- our arms were stronger so we held each other tightly and filled our bones with fondness. It was then that you thought of me and said I will build you a memory palace and into it you packed the smiles you filled like balloons on the hard days, the counsel you gave me to ward off wrongness, the promises you gave to build better tomorrows.

I walk through it now, past windows that let in the light of crashed moons. I walk through it now, through doorways that guard empty rooms.  I walk through it now, waiting for the stones to fall and bury me.

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

Oy! That's some sad-reading stuff. May I suggest a follow-on piece where the "I" gets up and dusts the self off; perhaps sweeps up the broken moons and redecorates those empty rooms with something a bit more cheery. Perhaps some Wallace & Grommet wallpaper? And cheese... can't forget the cheese. ^_^

[TLK]

She'll probably let the balloons float free first... but not like in Pixar's Up.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

Here's to free-floating balloons... that aren't mylar and don't span power lines in front of you, while you're standing there looking at them.

[gombeggar]

very sad and lonely end here...interesting and woeful

[Emily B]

breath-taking!

[Pól]

fhanks for the pm JLK, Watchdog, Jkh.., S, Alp et al. The dancer girl seems very nice and she was very tactful when she described you as "unpredictable" ; a nice way of saying ur raving bonkers.

Actually S you are very predictable, at this point you block the person and then show just how really vile u are with a few odious comments. LOL

[TLK]

The only person making odious comments appears to be you.

[jkhatz]

Good. You posted. I'm online, too. Look, we're nearly posting simultaneously. I think that, more than anything, proves we are not one in the same. GID almighty, the Norg is strong with this one.

[TLK]

At least it shows that there are more people who are critical of all the bullshit. This "S", someone called "Alp"... eventually this combined person will be hundreds strong.

[jkhatz]

You know, with all the people they say we are, we'd be a giant, crushing and stomping everything in his path. Well, not too far from the truth, at least, there is mighty strength in numbers.

[unsavable_soul]

I am critical of everything,
I think therefore I am, you think therefore I am not?
Who cares what you, he, her, him, she, "I" or more importantly THEY think.
TLK I know and Jkhatz I have just come to know. Both of you seem ideologically to be example members of WC. I could end the whole proving thing by the way if I had bot your two's time and willingness not to mention a couple or at least one nonbiased witness. All parties would have to be online at the same time but it could be done.
Again I flip the coin ...
Chris

[unsavable_soul]

PM me if curious?
I say leave it elusive though.
Like Batman and his cowl.
unsavable_soul

[Pól]

Warning: there may be thraces of nuts in this product!!

[Pól]

"Thous & thees", "motes in eyes", & poor souls beyond saving. Thought this was a site for writing, not bible bashing. Better watch out for a lightning bolt!!

[Pól]

FTR, i don't think jlhatch is one of ur many alter egos, S. she can't be as her writing isn't completely devoid of talent. Then again is it her writing? I would employ those plagurism tools u were ranting about, S, if I actually gave a f**k.

[jkhatz]

j-k-h-a-t-z. It's my first and middle initials and my partial last name. Jesus, why is it so freakin' hard for you people to get my handle right? Paulo, I have sent you a private message, I hope you read it while grounded in, at least, a small amount of reality.

[Pól]

thanks jkhatz- I knew it was spelt like that - just hit the wrong button- sorry. i think/hope I'm grounded in reality, but thats a subjective thing depending on who's version of reality one is referring to.

[jkhatz]

As long as you dip your pinky toe into the shallow end of the reality pool, I'm good.

[Pól]

my pink what?

[jkhatz]

Pinky toe, otherwise known as the last toe, the smallest toe, on the human foot.

[Pól]

thats a relief!

[unsavable_soul]

Relief: removal or lightening of something oppressive, painful, or distressing.
So where is this in these petty arguments? I see no relief until people realize their own errors before pointing to another.
Chris

[Samuel Dickens]

Those falling rocks--yeah, they hurt. Been buried multiple times. Oh, well, what's person to do? The price of ecstasy always seems to be agony. Very well done.

[sasha]

A very good piece of art! Being emotionally overwhelmed.

'I walk through it now, through doorways that guard empty rooms.I walk through it now, waiting for the stones to fall and bury me" jUST WONDERFUL.

[TLK]

Those last lines were the easiest to write. The whole thing came out just to come to that conclusion.

[Ben Walker]

"When times were better -- before you met her and decided that love's string was only so long and not longer " I have never felt such depth of story in such a short sentence, I feel like this sentence tells me so much and absolutely nothing as well as forcing me to ask myself more questions.

[TLK]

Yes, this is definitely the best string-based metaphor I have ever come up with. There is something particularly disheartening about how it simply ended. I might have been thinking of the Three Fates when I wrote this. Proof that a classical education IS important for writing -- yet another piece of evidence that cultural capital is a potent force.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fates
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cultural_capital