Phosphor

Phosphor

A Chapter by TLK

The old man stood in my porch, hemmed in by the glass, fringed by spring daffodils. I didn't know him well enough to say that it was clearly his fault, and I never try to insult my neighbours. So I just nodded as he described his wife of so many years up-and-leaving: with one bag full of crammed whatevers, and one past full of blame. He clasped himself against the shaking hate he had felt. He held himself tightly. It is hot when people speak those words. It is hot enough to burn through bone.




© 2013 TLK



Author's Note

TLK
Inspired by all the fire imagery in Saint No-One's A Brighter Spark.

My Review

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Featured Review

On the whole, the writing is focused. The title of the poem is very good! Phosphor is a pleasant-sounding word, from my point of view.
I was attentive while reading the poem and enjoyed your English. And the ending, two last lines are powerful and I believe, (as Stanislavsky said). Thank you, TLK.

PS. What a nice image in front of your profile!! I like those ravens.

Posted 4 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you for enjoying my poem. One thing: what did Stanislavsky say? I think you might have left a .. read more


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Reviews

An interesting poem that really kept my attention. 'With one bag full of crammed whatevers' - I adore this line! I particularly like the indifference and distance created between the two characters.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I read A Brighter Spark and noted that you were inspired. I'm glad to have found the proof :)

the first time that i began to realize who and what i am was when i read an email from an angry stranger and it burnt my cheeks, it isn't the words that break our bones but the emotions underneath them

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I just quoted the well-known expression "I believe". "The audience is only going to believe that you are the person.. Acting is all about Belief and Creative Imagination". You gave a vivid description of the time, situation, conversation with your neighbour etc., and as a result convinced a reader of the truth of the story.

Posted 4 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

I had an inkling you meant Stanislavsky as in acting. I will think about that advice some more, and .. read more
On the whole, the writing is focused. The title of the poem is very good! Phosphor is a pleasant-sounding word, from my point of view.
I was attentive while reading the poem and enjoyed your English. And the ending, two last lines are powerful and I believe, (as Stanislavsky said). Thank you, TLK.

PS. What a nice image in front of your profile!! I like those ravens.

Posted 4 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

TLK

4 Years Ago

Thank you for enjoying my poem. One thing: what did Stanislavsky say? I think you might have left a .. read more

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4 Reviews
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Added on May 13, 2013
Last Updated on May 30, 2013
Tags: crammed whatevers, shaking hate, burn through bone


Author

TLK
TLK

Birmingham, West Midlands, United Kingdom



About
Signed up to the Pledge to Civil Conduct in Discourse on Writer's Cafe: please challenge me if you think I am breaking either the letter or the spirit of the rules. I try to review well myself (see.. more..

Writing
Tram lines Tram lines

A Poem by TLK