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Falling stars feel shame

Falling stars feel shame

A Story by TLK

Yesterday I was one god swamped by a pantheon. Our clay children pined for justice while imagining us wielding it behind the stars. Locked away behind the purple satin of the night I was captive to the gaze of those moulded crudely in my shape. They told their children stories about us, first of all thankful, then as generations rose and fell they became doubtful. As we failed to intervene we built up squat huts of recrimination with bricks of murder and accident. Endless death gave them hunger, and their knowledge of our creation helped them to realise, in their eager briefness, that the gods prized them as mere trembling moments of toil. Surer than any weapon, their disbelief weakened us.

 

Today I left that behind, for I cast myself out and let my godhood burn from me in a falling star’s trail. Now I look up seldom. Neither do I look over my shoulder, for I know what is coming: but at least I can now tell my children I love them.


© 2013 TLK



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Featured Review

I liked it. I felt that the language of it lent credibility. I felt like I was listening to someone speak who was actually, formerly a god.

You did a good job conveying the sense that the gods needed man but regarded them with disdain at the same time. A fairly common theme in tales revolving around the decline of monotheistic religions.

I am curious, in the last paragraph, in relinquishing his/her status as a god, does the narrator become mortal as well? I would think they do, and it is that combined with humanity no longer being a "necessary evil" that would bring them to say that they now love their children.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Such a great, universal and thought provoking piece of writing. Kudos!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Incredible! Great piece of work. Phrasing, word usage, thought provoking. It had a little of everything. Great write

Posted 2 Years Ago


Strong imagery. A very unique take on a classic struggle and tale. I enjoyed the approach. I do feel a bit rushed. I don't know if that's due to your selection of phrasing and structure so much as simply a fast read. But I find no flaw and enjoyed it all 3 times I read it. So it's probably me... Well done.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Good writing. I the imagery is clear. And I like the concept. The feeling of abandonment was overwhelming.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Powerful classical images of struggle. The idea of being caste out also a powerful end.


Posted 4 Years Ago


yea, you have potential ......

Posted 4 Years Ago


a truly caring write. i think you have "poetential"

Posted 4 Years Ago


This is amazing! Makes me think about history

Posted 4 Years Ago


TLK ,

your words drove me back to the history where questioning the synagogue was beyond a sin .....

thanks,
tuvi


Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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2182 Views
29 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 1, 2013
Last Updated on June 1, 2013
Tags: pining, wielding, locking, captivating, thanking, doubting

Author

TLK
TLK

Birmingham, West Midlands, United Kingdom



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Signed up to the Pledge to Civil Conduct in Discourse on Writer's Cafe: please challenge me if you think I am breaking either the letter or the spirit of the rules. I try to review well myself (see.. more..

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