The Precious

A very deep poem...make of it what you will.

I,

 

Slowly fading into darkness

Ride with Arwen for the River

As the hounds of hell pursue us

There’s no hero to deliver

We trust to speed, our trusty steed!

Slip and slide amidst the rubble

She props my limp, convulsing self

Like a corpse upon the saddle.

 

She,

 

Feverishly mumbles prayers

Who will save us from this evil?

Keeps her eyes fixed firmly forward

For behind us is the devil…

She can almost feel their breathing

So urgently do they press us

They stretch far forth filthy fingers

Ever closer to the Precious…

 

A deadly poison’s in my veins

Thus we ride to seek a serum

Caught in the final throes of death

I fall into delirium.

She whispers - “Hold on a little

Our destination is in sight

From the chasing wraiths behind us

We shall presently find respite.”

 

We,

 

Soon espy the shining sliver

Like a silver chain set in moss

We stand upon the river-bank

And challenge the demons to cross.

When they set foot in the waters

’Twas an awesome sight to have seen -

How rushing waves came galloping

And washed them away down the stream.

 

Tenderly away she bore me

To the One who could make me whole

Safe in my bosom, the Precious

My precious, my precious…my soul.

 

Reviews

[Ashley]

It's really great! Very deep.

[Brook]

In the line "We shall presently find respite," I think you should omit 'presently.' This would make the stanza flow a little better.

In "We stand upon the river-bank," you can use 'riverbank.' No hyphen needed.

In "'Twas an awesome sight to have seen," I would suggest changing it to just 'to see,' to help the flow a little. It's still a half-rhyme and sounds fine, and it's less awkward.

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Ah, this was amazing. I know you said it was deep, but it was DEEP. I thought this was very well-written and your word choice was great. The flow was almost flawless, and the descriptions that you painted were stunning. There are very few things you could do to improve this, so I'm giving you a 98/100. I'd love to see more things like this.

[aviiar:))]

AHmMM...it´s meaning is really deEp bUt i LOVE the waY it enDed and EvRythiNg aboUt it..niCe one!!keep it uP!

[M.Babu]

This poem reminded me so much of Lord of the Rings i had to read it again to confirm if it had a deeper meaning which it does. I hope i understand it enough? Don't hate me if i'm a bit off:) i think you're talking about losing yourself to the easy clutches of the world's evils. It's so easy to fall into their temptations and they chase you hard everywhere you go trying to weigh you down and strip the good that your trying to cling onto but it seems it's slipping away (the precious). When all seems lost and all the world is overwhelming, a ray of hope breaks through and helps you power through your weakness and repel the darkness and trudge on, maintaining your precious. Gosh i hope i'm not too wrong. Strong piece! Robust emotion and thought behind each word. Good job i really liked this piece