Query Letter - Threads of Fate

This is the query letter for Threads of Fate that I've been submitting to publishers

Dear {Publisher},

Imagine a world where Fate is not an abstract concept, but a proven science.  The Threads of Fate weave together everyone and everything.  For those who can read and interpret their patterns, changing Fate is as easy as playing a game of cat’s cradle.  Now imagine if your very existence unraveled this entire system.  This is the plight of 21-year-old Noal Kai.  The curse he bears, known only as The Power, causes the Threads of Fate to writhe unpredictably, surrounding him with freak accidents and misfortune, and forcing him to live as an outcast.  Together with Ella Gant, a fortune teller turned drifter, Noal follows the titular Golden Thread, hoping it will lead him to a cure, while dodging bounty hunters, the military, and even agents of Fate itself along the way.

 

The Golden Thread grew from my desire to explore a world where Fate is a part of everyday life.  As a child of modern multimedia, I’ve structured the story to bridge the gap between today’s new visual arts such as video games, manga/graphic novels, and movies/television, and the traditional written form.  The Golden Thread features visceral superhero-esque action set pieces, akin to a manga like Naruto or a movie like X-Men, interspersed with the intrigue and wonder of a traditional novel, like Harry Potter.  The award winning Joe Kertes has said that my style “evokes scenes with confidence and vitality.”  My goal is to make The Golden Thread a natural point of entry for young adults of the visual age to cross into a traditional literary form.  I’ve also begun a self-promotion campaign by opening the site www.tof.matthew-chan.com, where I am slowly rolling out a limited run of chapters.

 

I am a first time novelist, but graduated from the University of Waterloo with an English minor (with honors) in addition to my Computer Science major.  I currently work in the film and games industry as a professional writer and multimedia content producer.  I have an online portfolio of both creative and technical work at www.matthew-chan.com. 

 

What lies at the end of your own golden thread?  How will you cope when it isn’t what you expected?  When faced with these questions, The Golden Thread aims to teach us that while what you are may never change, who you are never stops changing.

 

Thank you for your time, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Reviews

[Eagle Eye]

Well, in an aid to help, I think the "tangible force" somewhat contradicts the "abstract concept" as what force is truly tangible, I can touch gravity no more than I can fate, and unless fate is a person walking around, I don't know how tangible it can truly be. Pedantic perhaps, but a query letter will be scrutinized as it is an introduction to the product you wish them to back.

Some parts are worded a little awkwardly, "causes Fate threads around him" maybe go back to the "threads of fate around him" as it is syntactically off. I think you may want to tone down that first paragraph, you almost assume the reader is aware of all of this, "imagine this", it comes across a little colloquially, so I'd rearrange that opening paragraph as this is what will hook them, considering most won't read much of the letter anyways.

Next paragraph. "fate as a mechanic", a mechanic what? I'm sure you don't mean a car fixer, mechanic force? or substance? I'm not sure. The writing is much more understandable here, if not a little too ready to compare to other things! Maybe some grammar touch ups, but much more readable until the last couple of sentences, "natural point of entry" ? you also assume it's a traditional literary genre, it seems more modern to me, maybe traditional forms as opposed to the visual (virtual?) age you mention.

Overall, it's a good letter, though can be worked on quite a bit, at times it's a little colloquial as if written to a friend, most notably with the questions, "what", "how will" etc. and they don't particularly know nor care, though it's a nice gesture to let them ponder on it, before resolving with a "find out", but maybe reword it. I think points to improve: that first paragraph, you want to sell it, not confuse them, and then the general tone throughout, make it a little more professional. Good luck though

[Sarah]

They sound like interesting books. I'm a fan of both naruto and x men. I'll check out your website. Also, since you like reviewing and think you are reasonably good at it, would you mind reading Shattered Soul? It's still a work in progress, but i would like someone's take on it and if you have criticism don't be shy. If you want, though, i would like you to read it. Thank you

[Legacy]

TOF_Matt,

As easy as pulling threads from a sweater (nice).

This was a bravo Query Letter... It included samples of your unique writing capabilities, a brief of who you are as well as links to find and view your work.

Very nicely done, congratulations on taking the leap of faith with your writing. I applaud your professionalism and fore-thought of what the publisher may wish to see when considering you as an addition to their library.

Again - bravo - I will recommend this to anyone who wants to know how to write one!

Have a great day,

Legacy

[Mariko]

Is it too selfish of me to wish that you did more illustration? I love the story and the writing, but you have such a talent for the pictures and such a visual way of sharing the story. I realize that pictures of the caliber that you've drawn take a lot more time... but man... this would make such a sweet graphic novel!!!