Practice Writing A-2: "Don't Judge Me!"

Writing Practice(s): File A-2 Date Published: 11:08 14 January 2013 (Minnesota Time) Category: Humor Title: "Don't Judge Me!"

Writing Practice(s): File A-2

Category: Comedy

Title: “Don’t Judge Me!”

 

Another water balloon exploded in Taros’ face and sent him flying backwards.

“Umph!” he plummeted onto the grassy ground and landed squarely on his tail. Shaking the water and balloon remains from his face, irritated and fuming at his recent plunder.

Why is it whenever I join these kinds of games it’s always me that gets picked. Nobody else ever gets ganged up on, even when I’m not playing.

Taros stood with his fists clenched tightly at his side shaking with anger. His face was beet red and his ears twitched. Everyone’s laughter died down when the sunlight beating down on them suddenly disappeared.

“Relax Tar, it’s just a little a water,” reassured Tooth smoothly and smiled with his lopsided grin and canine tooth that could never seem to stay in his mouth with the rest of his teeth.

“Seriously Taros, put your wings down, you’re blocking out the sunlight!”

He paused and looked up at his outstretched ebony and crimson wings. They had elongated to their full length and were now blocking out the view of the sun from the group of preteens.

The alabaster werehog let his wings drop. Why was it whenever Cherry told him to do something he did it? Ugh, stupid crush...

“Come ‘on Tar, its only water,” Tooth called out and threw another water balloon in the young werehog’s face. It splattered in his face.

The posse laughed hysterically as cold hose water dripped down Taros’ face. He shook his head like a dog, turned on his heal and stomped away, mumbling under his breath.

Stupid Tooth. What’s his problem anyway?

“Oh come ‘on!”

“Taros don’t be like that!” called Thunder, a black firehog with red markings.

Hmph. They couldn’t get me to come back for a million peaches...

“Taros, just come back keep playing, or else you’ll miss all the fun!” shouted Cherry after her winged friend.

Taros turned around and smiled at the scarlet bunny, blushing slightly.

Well, if Cherry wants me to stay...

“Yeah, you’ll miss out on all the fun!” cried out Tooth and chucked another loaded water balloon into Taros’ face.

Taros groaned angrily. Tooth laughed uncontrollably as Taros wiped the liquid from his face. He snatched up his blue and green towel from the soggy grass and started drying himself and stormed into the house, slamming the screen door behind him.

Cherry, Thunder, Ryan, and Amber stared at him with annoyed expression. Unbeknownst to their hostile glares Tooth clutched his stomach and fell to the ground in uncontrollable laughter. Tooth finally wiped the tears from his eyes as his chortles died down and silenced himself completely when he noticed the angry, irritated and annoyed looks on his friends’ faces looking down at him. Thunder crossed his arms Cherry put her hands on her hips, tapping her left foot rapidly (as she did whenever she was infuriated). Tooth stared up them with a blank expression.

“What?”

“What? You just drove off Taros with your obsessive water balloon throwing!” shouted Cherry with her arms held stiffly at her sides and her fists clenched so tight that her knuckles had turned white.

Tooth sighed dreamily. “It was worth it,”

Tooth suddenly screamed in a very high pitch and ran away in a frenzied panic when he was unexpectedly blasted with an onslaught of freezing cold hose water.

Everyone stared at the source of the blast in surprise.

Ryan shrugged and adjusted the nozzle on the end of the bright green hose. “He was getting on my nerves,”

Thunder smiled and rubbed his chin in thought as he watched Tooth run under a large oak tree in their backyard and rubbed his butt tenderly with a worried and slightly pained look on his face.

“You know, that gives me an idea, huddle in troops!” everyone except Tooth and Taros bent down and hung their arms on each others’ shoulders to give them a little privacy.

“OK gang, what do you say we avenge Taros and blast Tooth with the hose until he cries?” suggested Thunder in an excited voice.

“Maybe not until he cries, but yeah, I’m all for the whole “blasting Tooth with hose water” thing,” agreed Ryan.

“Taros isn’t dead you know,” retorted Cherry as she raised her eyebrow.

“I know, but Taros is terrible at paybacks, so I was thinking we could help him out and get Tooth back for him,” he paused smiled mischievously. “Plus, I’d just love to hear Tooth scream like a little girl again,”

Cherry paused for a moment, shaking her head and weighing her options. “Well, it was pretty funny when he screamed like that and then ran off yelping...”

“It sounds like fun!” chirped Amber gleefully.

Ryan looked down at her and raised his eyebrow, confused by her optimism. “But, Tooth is your big brother; I thought you would take his side,”

“I usually would, but...” she held up a bright pink water balloon. “I don’t think Tooth is wet enough yet,”

Thunder smiled, clearly pleased with her answer. “I like the way you think,” the huddle broke up and they all turned to Tooth his evil grins.

The dark blue werehog noticed the posse and his wolf-like ears dropped in fear.

Uh oh... he thought with silent dread.

Ryan held up the hose and aimed it at Tooth. “This one’s for Taros,” his hand pulled back on the lever and blasted Tooth with ice-cold water.

 

      Taros draped his beach towel over his shoulders, humiliated by the assault of water balloons that had bombarded his face.

      Note to self; get revenge on Tooth. He vowed in irritation and grabbed a ripe peach from the fruit bowl on the counter. He trod back towards the screen door to go ask Blizzard or Thorn or someone if they could help him reek his revenge on his adopted cousin, but just before he pushed it open a strange sound echoed in his large bat-like ears.

      He paused and tilted his ears to try and catch the source of the feint noise and then stiffened. It sounded like...music...

      Taros turned his head to his left and looked on in anxiety at the person sitting in the couch. Neko.

      Neko was the black sheep of the Starclaw family and the biggest jerk Taros had ever met before in his entire life. He always called Taros names like “Rat Wing” or “Lab Rat” or other mean names involving rats (Taros is half Flying Fox Bat, and since Neko thinks bats look like rats with wings he likes to make fun of the poor werehog using the term ‘rat’). Not to mention Neko likes clawing things up and then gutting and skinning them, that’s why he usually spends most of his time in the little shack where the animals that are hunted are skinned and gutted, or the “Blood Shed” as it’s called in the Starclaw family. He always thought is hilarious to come out of nowhere and scare the fur off Taros when he least expected, covered in animal guts and blood with his freaky jagged claws unsheathed and staring down at him with that twisted (and slightly insane) look in his yellow eyes. And as Taros always ran back into the house he would guffaw hysterically like a deranged insane lunatic. Taros imagined someone like him growing up to be a mass murdering psychopath running around in a tattered straight jacket holding a bloody butcher knife in the middle of the night.

      I hope he doesn’t see me...

He started shaking, worried the older werehog would notice him, but relaxed slightly when he realized that the twisted teen had his ear buds in and had the volume on high. The young werehog breathed out a sigh of relief.

So that’s what that noise was.

He stepped up cautiously behind Neko and peered nervously at his face. I smiled and settled down once I realized he was asleep. He snored softly with his hands rested behind his head, showing off his muscular arms.

At least he’s asleep.

The young winged werehog shrugged and stepped towards the exit but stopped when his hand touched the screen door. He looked back at the dark grey werehog. The music he was listening to didn’t sound like heavy metal, like what he usually listened to. Curious, Taros crept towards his evil adopted brother and slowly and carefully reached for one of the ear buds embedded in his pointed ears. Taros cringed as he gently yanked it out. He froze in terror when the werehog teen stirred slightly but almost immediately went back to sleep.

Just for a few seconds...

Taros slowly put the ear bud in his ear, keeping a watchful eye on the vicious teen, and listened intently to the music playing.

“...I threw a wish in the well; don’t ask me I’ll never tell. I looked to you as it fell, and now you’re in my way...”

Taros’ ears perked in shock.

Neko is listening to...Call Me Maybe...?

The winged werehog looked down with an astonished and curious look on his face. He kept listening.

“Your stare was holding, ripped jeans, skin was showin’, hot night, wind was blowin’, where you think you’re going baby? Hey I just met you, and this is cra-zy-“

Neko snorted and his eyes suddenly shot open.

Uh Oh!

Taros yanked the ear bud out, seized his towel and bolted out the door at full speed, half running, and half hovering with his wings frantically flapping to escape before Neko could notice.

He was suddenly yanked back by his scruff and looked on in terror as he stared into a pair of seething twisted yellow eyes.

“Were you listening to my music while I was sleepin’?” snarled Neko through gritted razor-sharp teeth. Taros trembled, too terrified to reply.

Neko got a better hold on his adopted younger sibling’s chest fur. He unsheathed his jagged edged claws and held them under Taros’ chin.

“Well?”

Taros nodded weakly. “Y-Y-Yes...”

Neko glared at him and threw him to the ground. “Don’t you dare judge me! You hear me Rat Wing? Or I’ll skin you alive,”

Taros gulped, having no doubt that he was telling the truth. He shook his head frantically. “I-I w-w-wasn’t j-judging y-y-you...”

“If you ever tell anyone what you heard or what just happened I’ll beat you till you can’t move anymore and sell you to the sex predators as a sex slave, you got that? ‘Cause I know quite a few people that would love to have a little boy like you as a pet...” he smiled maliciously and held out his cell phone to prove that he was serious.

The terrified werehog nodded quickly. Knowing Neko, he had no doubt that he would sell him off to sex predators.

“Now BEAT IT Runt!”Neko roared. Taros scrambled up, grabbed his towel and bolted out the door. The twisted teen grunted and put the other ear bud back in his ear and walked down the corridor to his room.

I can’t believe he fell for that. Mocked Neko to himself. Of course he wasn’t going to sell his adopted younger brother to sex predators. More likely he would sell him to H.A.C., they’d pay a much higher price than any old sex predator.

      He smiled at the thought of all the loot he would get if he sold off the winged runt as he hummed along to the song on his iPod.

 

      Taros paused at when he was standing underneath the deck. He looked back to check and see if Neko had followed him. He hadn’t.

      Thank goodness.

      “AHHHHHHHH!! HELP! STOP IT YOU GUYS!! HEEELLPP!!!” Taros’ ears perked at the high pitched cry and laughed when he realized who has uttered it.

      There was Tooth, running around screaming like a little girl soaking wet as Ryan blasted him with the hose while Thunder, Cherry, and Amber pelted the poor guy with water balloons.

      How long have they been doing this to him? Taros wondered through loud fits of laughter. This continued on for several minutes before the winged werehog’s laughing died down and he stepped out and held out his hands.

      “OK guys, I think you’ve tortured Tooth enough,” Ryan turned to him and shut off the hose. Everyone else paused and lowered their water balloons, smiling at their friend’s return.

      Tooth stopped in front of Taros, gasping for breath and dripping wet. He clasped Taros’ shoulders tightly and shook them gently but urgently.

      “I’m sorry, OK? I’m sorry I threw water balloons in your face and laughed about it! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m SORRY! Just don’t let them hurt me!” he begged desperately.

      Taros rolled his eyes. Leave it to Tooth to be over-dramatic. He nodded. “I forgive you,”

      Tooth released Taros’ shoulders and took a step back, wearing the biggest smile he had worn since Shamrock had worn a kilt last June.

      “Sure. There’s just one more thing...”

      “What?” Taros’ threw a loaded water balloon in Tooth’s face and laughed. The dark blue werehog wiped the water from his face and smiled weakly. “I probably deserved that...”

      A horn honked behind them. Everyone turned their head towards the noise in surprise. Feather stood at the wheel of their white and red motorboat with a huge fiery colored Chinese dragon spray painted on the side, smiling brightly. “Hey guys! Dragonfire’s fixed! You landlubbers wanna go tubing for a little while?”

      “Yeah!” Everyone cheered in unison and rushed into the boat and quickly put on their lifejackets. Feather tightened her grip on the steering wheel. “Hold on!” she called back to her young passengers and hit the gas. They squealed in delight when the boat named Dragonfire rocketed off across the water to the far side of the lake.

Author's Note

I post these practice writings every two weeks. Let me know if you have any requests.