Need some advice

Need some advice

A Story by Alex Falkner

For the past twelve years I have been working through my issues by writing, Now it seems, I have come to an impasse, I have dealt with all my major issues that inspired my creativity and now I cannot write any longer, when I try to write, it's as though I'm just staring at a blank screen, A direct window into my creative mind it seems.

Something I have been afraid of for a few years now, wondering what I will write when I am finished the Forever Shall Pass series.

Something I now fear I will not be able to finish at all.

With that being said, I believe the only way to revive my lost friend is to find something I haven't dealt with yet, and the only thing I can come up with is my spiritual side.

Until recently, I have avoided involvement with the issue of my immortal soul, as I have always been afraid of him saying the content is blasphemous as its about the struggle between good and evil, half the characters are gods and most others have magical powers of one description or another.

My soul, until a few years ago, is where I believed my ability to write came from, but during my counselling, I came to realize it was the pain caused by my life experience that inspired the elaborate plot, the depth of characters and above all else, knowing I WAS good at something, Knowing I wasn't completely useless and stupid like I was constantly told as I grew up, knowing that one day, it will solidify my name in history, it would ensure I won't fall from existence.

As my counselling progressed, the need to write turned from a physical need to escape the world, to a need to keep my sanity, Then finally I did it for the sheer enjoyment, still unaware of the fact I was writing my life story in an abstract and somewhat twisted reality.

Looking back on my behavior now, I would say I was an addict, If I didn't write, I would get moody, I would fidget and, sometimes I would actually feel physically sick, If someone disturbed me while I was writing, I would get extremely annoyed and get quite hostile towards that person, almost to the point of wanting to cause them physical harm.

I still have moments of sheer genius, usually at three in the morning, Sit bolt upright, grab my notepad and stare at it in a half-asleep stupor wondering what the hell it was that was so brilliant, then eventually give it up and try to get back to sleep, knowing the harder I try to remember any of the details, the foggier my mind will get, and wasting valuable sleep time staring at mockingly blank notepad isn't the best thing when the three year old petrol head wakes up at half past seven.

I will leave it at that for now, and ask for any ideas on how to remedy this brick wall in my mind.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


© 2015 Alex Falkner

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Added on March 11, 2013
Last Updated on June 1, 2015


Alex Falkner
Alex Falkner

South canterbury, New Zealand

I have always been a very solitary person, I am 31 years old, and have suffered with depression for about 25. (if you think it doesn't add up, read slices of life) I have also suffered with agorap.. more..

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A Chapter by Alex Falkner

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A Chapter by Alex Falkner