Would you like to rethink that?

I have suffered more, than some people would care to know.

But I ask the question, Why do you belittle me so?

You say I am nothing but a weak attention seeker.

But look again, think it through, which one of us is weaker?

You who had the easy life, silver spoon and silver platter.

Or me who had the abuse, the hell, the batter.

You who had a clear road set ahead for you.

Or me who had to fight and struggle, just to make it through.

You struggle with a red light, while I wait patiently.

You get stuck in traffic as you know no other way.

While I take the back roads, it's longer, but I'll get there anyway.

So now Mr rich man, Do you see the point I make?

Which one of us is stronger, Which one is truly richer?

See it now?

Get the picture?

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

Love the flow to this and the tone is spectacular. You tell 'em sweetheart!

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Great flow and good metrica, deep meaning and easy-to-understand lexic,
Very cool :)

[Tricia O'Brien]

well said
well written

[bluessadmood]

while we live everyday like we are dying any moment
a brother in Canada tells me to hang on and toughen up
how more can i get tough,my nerves are on edge almost all day
but if you read whats written in the old books for some big ones
they all created themselves and turned into big talent that way
on my profile i said, its out of too much sufferings and lots of tears
its the way people look at us that reflect such beauty made out of
yet more and more pains,its living every moment when you feel like
dying every second..nerves so tight ,mind so upright and shiny
always at work,cheeks all red heart throbbing..its a fast life,it is life
lovely write

[Alex Falkner]

Thank you for your review.
And I agree, no matter how "tough" or "hardened" someone has become, they still have a breaking point, when you're dealing with a great deal of stress everyday, something has to give eventually.
I reached my breaking point years ago, if you've reached yours yet, I don't know.
I have said to a few people now, that the pains and trials of life shape us to what we are now, for all the pain we endure, it makes us better people for it and more resilliant to things that others would have great difficulty dealing with.
I'm babbling now.
Anyway, thank you again for the review.
You seem like a very interesting person, I would very much like to talk more when you have the time.

Tammy.

[bluessadmood]

hello,anytime you like i am a great listener,ha ha..
here is people i like,vulnerable ,weak,had many setbacks
always on the run on the long road of life,still they dont get much of it
but they never relent ,never get broken,yes they may weaken for a while
but its like some time to rest so they take the fight again,they have a beautiful mind
so poetic you would just like to sait with them for hours ,words plays on your mind
just like booze words they send you hogh and up,take you on journeys you never took before
for they tasted the so many colors of life,they know every corner and every bend
where each place they go they had a story to tell,very vibrants mind,life knows no weakness
or it will crush you hard and so cruel so you have to always be ready and jumpy to whatever..

[Ink]

Enjoyed this!
The middle of this poem, when you start comparing the main character and the Rich Man, is where this really felt meaty to me. Thought it was smart of you to use more accessible comparisons that most of your audience will resonate with (ie. the red light and the back roads).

The ending seemed a little bit lacking in comparison to the strength of the rest of the piece though. I feel the poem might have been much stronger if you ended it at "Do you see the point I make?"

Just some food for thought =]

[Alex Falkner]

Thank you for your review.
I do see your point of view on this, however I used this particular expression because in new zealand where I live, there are certain statements that have more impact than others, the statement "get the picture" is most often said when someone is highly annoyed, or to put it bluntly, pissed off and trying to get a point across.
I guess it's like the different slang people use from one city to the next.
I appreciate your imput as this is the type of reviews I am looking for.
I look forward to reading some of your work, is there a particular piece you would like me to read?

[Ink]

New Zealander? That's awesome! I always wanted to visit that place.
This is the type of feedback I try to give =] looking forward to reading more of your stuff!
I only have one poem up right now.. "The Suicide" ^^

[Alex Falkner]

Cool.
:)
New Zealand is a nice place, the scenery is beautiful, I should get some photos to post.
One bit of advice I can give if you ever do make it here, the further south you get, the worse the drivers get, they are dangerous, got to keep your wits about you.

[TheLastThingYouSee]

Well-written, amazing, and honest. I can relate to this piece...Great job! :)

[Alex Falkner]

Thank you.
Lately I have been writing what I know, true to life, and it seems to be better than the fiction I write.

[TheLastThingYouSee]

You're welcome! :) Most of my poems are inspired by emotions at the time I write them, so they're usually not that good, but it is harder to put your heart into fiction.