Actions Speak Louder...but Apparently You're Hellen Keller

It's been a s****y couple months and I've had writers block

what do I have, left to say?

F**K YOU, I'm done

I'm leaving this behind in the dust

I've waged war upon war

battling self control and lust

progress is everything so why do you

still see me as nothing, neglecting what I've been through

everytime I, thought I would find

life when I slide, instead I found

death of my pride

what do I have, left to say?

I'm sorry

I never meant to bring you down

but I can't sit here and take

you acting like I deserve to drown

drown in the flood of all the tears

and all the blood, from all these years

lies, betrayal and deceit

I understand I caused my own defeat

but who the f**k do you think you are

to tell me I have no god damned heart

what do I have left to say?

F**K YOU

I do not deserve to drown

F**K YOU

I don't deserve you dragging me down

F**K YOU

this time I'm leaving you in the ditch

that everyone sees me bleeding in

F**K YOU

I'm done with this you ignorant b***h

Reviews

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

This poem reminded me of how weak the F word is these days. I'm not sure if it was your intent but immediately preceding it by the question, "what more do I have to say?" it gives a real impression that it's the kind of epithet thrown when everything with meaning or anger has been said. It's become a little like that awful, "wharrever" and accompanying dismissive hand gesture that always gets dragged out in those confrontational daytime shows. Maybe you should have gone with the C word if as you say you were trying to get across strong feelings? That's got some shock value left amongst the kind of people who like to rant about 'profanity' and how God fearing and bloody right they are.

As a song I'm guessing that the third stanza would form a chorus but I'm not sure how the two verses relate to each other. Structurally they're quite different and I'd be expecting to see more common features regarding line length and rhythm. If you're going to put this to music you'll probably need to shuffle some of the lines around or introduce some sort of pre-chorus in order to keep everything that's currently here.

What you've got here is a good theme for a song, there's plenty of emotion and although I saw the chorus as more ironic than intense it would probably work with the right singer (think Corey Taylor rather than Bruce Dickinson). Putting it to music would probably require some serious editing but I'd be very interested to see/hear the results.

[biggerthenu]

wow buddy i dont know about this one im scared lol

[Carrion.]

i see this as a song. It's deep and has a meaning. good job:D

[Taylor Williams]

SONG. SONG. SONG. It's a metal song and I know I didn't have to use the vulgar words "f**k" or "god damned" but a majority of people that listen to metal music would rather have a highly relatable word than a big word that they don't understand. I clearly said in the note to ignore the profanity so please don't criticize my language when I said not to. That's not helpful because I'm already fully aware of the vocabulary i could have used. Metal is about intensity and sometimes in order to show more intensity you have to use more basic and straight forward words. If I say f**k you every single person knows what I'm feeling and how strongly I am feeling it so it gets my point across without racking my brain trying to formulate a sentence with a big word that means the same thing as those two words

[Plagued Monumentally]

Some people express their poetry out with vulgar and derogatory ways and some people tone it down and use big words.

I really didn't like your use of the swear words, like Linear said. Its an alright poem, I can feel the powerful feelings that you were trying to put out there. Maybe your other work will be better. Thanks for the read request.

[Linear]

Unfortunately I dislike the use of sexual swear words, even so your poem has merit, it shows the anger you try to hold inside, well done .