Path

A binary split of strait appeased me drownin',

An apocalypse struck me unconscious.

Senses  pricked horribly,

And then the reckoning and beckoning.

the waves doomed the murky sea before me.

 

Then the angel and the devil, gestured by my shoulders.

The short left trail, gorgeous and sparkling,  

The long right trail, filthy and ghastly.

My maneuver dwindled, flanked by faith and fraud.

 

"Oh, evil soul!" maniacally I went.

"Oh, take the path of deceit,

And you'll struggle no beast." went the devil.

The breeze toughened and havocked the sea.

"Oh! son of Adam!"  bellowed  my conscience.

"Take the path of legitimacy,

do justice to affinity." assured the angel.

 

I chose the path less traveled-by,

For real success comes with uphill struggle,

And fake success knocks with awkward ease.

 

 

Reviews

[William Liston]

I love the message of this piece and the way you express it. The imagery is evocative to say the least ... I especially enjoyed the "waves doomed the murky sea line." I also like the analogy of the two paths and how it symbolizes the choices we make in life. I couldn't agree more with the line "real success comes with uphill struggle" ... struggle is what helps define us, and without it, we will never know the extent of our ability.

As for critiques, I must say that I think this piece could benefit from proper punctuation and capitalization (as opposed to a lack thereof). Also, the phrase "a binary" is to the side of your picture, which I'm sure wasn't your intent.

- William Liston

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you so much William for spotting the good and bad.I really appreciate your worthy review. I would surely make the necessary changes. Good to see a person of my age correcting me ^_^

[mercy party]

It felt cinematic as the conflict was building, what better way to paint the picture of true hardship then speaking of the unforgiving sea! And then it is resolved in a highly profound line "fake success knocks with awkward ease..." that is one excellent phrase that i totally get! Superb Poem!

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you so much!
I really made me smile ::))

[Tony Jordan]

Wow ! I love Karma.
This is magical Tazeen and the picture just sets the scene so wonderfully that I felt like I was in the boat and Karma was there too.
Awesome!!

[Tazeen Ahmed]

thank you so much for encouraging me!

[Tony Jordan]

It was my complete pleasure - I hope to keep encouraging your work. :))