Loss

An idea from a review

Loss

 

 

She left a note

on the half-moon hall table,

hand-written on fine vellum in cursive

and curses that spoke of love and loss

and the sweet painful memory of both.

 

I read it aloud to myself

more than once

that late fall evening

on the veranda

with a chilled glass

of burgundy

and a half filled cup

of memories.

 

Carefully contemplated each inky syllable,

provided it voice

to bathe the night air,

let the exquisite pain roll from my tongue,

cleaned, bleached, stretched each word, each phrase,

 

‘til I swore by the prophets

and all that the world

finds holy

it’s just a belly full of blues

that drives this ceaseless search for relief.

Reviews

[Sheila Kline]

Sadness goes hand in hand with loss when the loss is one that reaches into the psyche and grabs it with its fist. When we have to accept the fact that the loss is perhaps permanent it racks the universe of the soul...best to swear to the prophets how much pain it brings to one, and attempt to move on, though it be moving on one second at a time!
Great write that indeed cleans, bleaches, and stretches the meaning of the word "Loss"!

[Ted Kniffen]

Thank you for your kind review. It is much appreciated.

[Valentine]

Rereading your writes. Cursive is not being taught in our schools here, all print because of the internet and texting. How are they going to know how to sign their autographs? Valentine

[Ted Kniffen]

Thanks for rereading, Kathy. New ones on the way shortly.

[Valentine]

Reading this more than once gives it deeper meaning. Nice write. Valentine

[Ted Kniffen]

Thank you, Kathie. I appreciate your review.

[barleygirl]

This is a provocative sensory journey thru the deep dark waves of loss one might feel upon finding this goodbye note on the hall table. I especially love the "setting" stanza starting with "I read it aloud to myself . . . " . . . this provides a motion picture of how it all went down for the narrator . . . then I most love the next stanza, as it is so original, describing what many write about all the time (loss) but usually not as imaginatively as you've done: "let the exquisite pain roll from my tongue . . . " Rolling waves of the blues are jumping off the page here.

[Ted Kniffen]

Thank you, B. You never know what might pop up in the dark, sometimes its something like this.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

This is a really heart-moving composition. The lines:
I read it aloud to myself
more than once
that late fall evening
on the veranda
with a chilled glass
of burgundy
and a half filled cup
of memories,
Are just superb. Excellent read ☺

[Ted Kniffen]

Thank you very much for your kind words. I'm glad you liked it.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You are welcome! The pleasure was mine ☺

[ReedWrite]

I loved this one...so rich in imagery and emotion.
Loved this line:
with a chilled glass

of burgundy

and a half filled cup

of memories.

And this one:
provided it voice

to bathe the night air,

AND loved this:

let the exquisite pain roll from my tongue,

cleaned, bleached, stretched each word, each phrase,

So much depth here...just draws the reader in and makes them feel that poignant emotion coarse through them...as if we are sitting there with you...holding a '...half filled cup of memories...', too.

[Ted Kniffen]

Thank you for the review, RW. I'm glad you liked it.

[Robert Haigh]

Poetic, with good use of language. Sad... but sadness can be full of beauty, along with the pain.

[Ted Kniffen]

Thank you, Robert. Sadness is a powerful emotion that can lead to other spheres.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Yes, an honest expressive voice creating something that makes sense as we all hurt sometimes. I have not done a lot of this type of work yet. Maybe I'll get there. I need to read more of your writing I think Take care Ted Kniffen

[Ted Kniffen]

Thank you, Kathy for your review. Sorry for the delay, I was away for a few days.

[Maria12]

Yes, this is so expressive and your language and vocabulary fir so well.I wish more people could read it.

[Ted Kniffen]

Thank you very much, Mary. Hopefully those who find it will like it.

[Maria12]

To me it seems first class.I find writing reviews difficult . feel you should have book published?

[Maria12]

I think it's the descriptions of the furniture, the drink, the bodily feelings you describe, that make it so real and so full of real pain

[Ted Kniffen]

The good thing about reviews Mary is that they provide unvarnished feedback. Family and friends will read and say it's very good, but strangers don't care if they hurt your feelings. A review, good or bad is very useful. As for the book idea, I am contemplating putting something together.

Thanks
Ted

[Maria12]

I am a bit nervous about writing a review but it aill get easier.I do think your poems are worth making into a book... something for the winter?

[Ted Kniffen]

Perhaps. It's a thought.

[Daisy]

I find this extremely remarkable. The art with which you manoeuvre your feelings through your words is commendable!
"Carefully contemplated each inky syllable,
provided it voice
to bathe the night air,"

The lines simply struck onto my senses.. a perfect blend of poetic justice and emotional maturity. I could so well relate to it. Beautifully written. Looking forward to more of your amazing creations :)

[Ted Kniffen]

Thank you, Daisy for your kind review.