Can We Know Better?

this poem is about finding things were already have.

Six times she wishes,
Waiting on the star,

Hoping things will look up;
She knows better

A raven crows,
Understanding her pain

For it wishes for something else.
Anything else

From dawn til dusk it flies,
Moaning over head,

Sending out the message,
"Everyone will soon be dead."

She hears and responds,
"Make Life anew."

But who hears?
He who hears cannot be swayed.

A babe cries,
Listening to her woes,

Terrified,
Listening to what could be forever.

He is worried,
Seeing what has become of the world,

Wonders what his place will be,
Pleads for solitude and solace

She hears and responds,
"Make Hope bountiful."

But who hears?
He would hears cannot explain.

A mouse trembles,
Hiding in the recess of his hole,

Her truth seeping though his walls,
Hiding from the cold cruel world.

It stares,
Feeling all the wrongs,

And the wrongs that could become,
It whimpers and chokes tears back.

She hears and responds,
"Give us Courage."

But who hears?
He who hears cannot force.

Leaves rustle as a hiss echos,
Hearts stomped and eaten,

Leaving him empty, hollow,
He slithers on.

He is empty,
Her pain echoing his own

Knowing only warmth's absence,
Knowing indifference plagues the world.

She hears and responds,
"Show us Love."

But who hears?
He who hears cannot show more.

A man stumbles,
Surprised,

He finds his woes sung back to him in her voice,
He cannot find himself.

He looks around,
Never hitting the nail,

Lost in a world with so little to do,
He cries out in confusion.

She hears and responds,
"Give us Purpose."

But who hears?
He who hears cannot compel us

She tottles along,
Closed off and unsurrendered,

Feeling the fear of her call,
Hoping, but waiting to fall

Monsters hide,
Staring at her bows,

Leering and jeering,
So she keeps herself closed

She hears and responds,
"Let us have Faith."

But who hears?
He who hears has already complied

Six times she wished,
Now staring at the sun,

biding her time,
she should know better.

Author's Note

um, it has been awhile since i posted, so be nice, but tell me where you think i screwed up or where you think i could improve :) thanks <3

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

For me, this piece was rather straight forward in it's intent and flow. It came across speaking of how if anything good is to come in this world, those changes must first open themselves to the idea already have been tought how to love and be compassionate. The changes are an individuals choice however, and that's the hard part in making the world get along. For even though there are many who would choose to open their hearts and live a life that resonates with love and connectivity, there are still many who choose not to for their own reasonings.

I don't think there is anything technically wrong with the piece. If I were to make one small suggestion, it would be to make your lines longer and instead of having 4 line stanzas, have two line stanzas, it would make the piece seem short while reading, but not loose any of the content. I personally have always found the long narrow pieces tend not to see as much feed back because by nature... most readers are kinda lazy, so you gotta catch their interest in one page! =D That's just my view on things though...

Thanks for sharing your ink! I enjoyed reading it and reviewing it!
Aaron - Wolfwind