Talking To Myself

Beauty.

Have I embraced the darkness?

I write on.

Feeling my words are shallow.

This is all I have.

Whatever else I had, I just lost.

 

I come here because I am loved here.

I feel at home.

Home is nice, but am I getting too cozy?

When was the last time I saw full color?

            

I spend my days, defining integrity.

Perfection is what I’m chasing.

I’ve gone over the list multiple times.

I know exactly what I want.

I just…haven’t reached for it, yet.

 

I tell myself everyday how bad I am.

I tell myself everyday how good I am.

But to get off my a*s and prove either

Is something beyond my abilities.

Or at least, that’s another one of the many things

I have been using to talk to myself.

 

Although I sit with my own company “procrastinating”

While the others use it to better themselves,

I do have virtues many don’t.

 

I do not have a fear of sunlight nor people.

I get along with both just fine.

My physical self, however, is one I fear greatly.

I simply cannot do what I said I would.

Sticking to my own word is impossible to me.

 

I would much rather call myself stupid.

“I can’t.”

Isn’t that my anthem?

Big words are something I am great with.

Just look at what I’ve written so far!

And while I am lost in this illusion created by my talent,

Feeling I am worth at least something,

I just lost more valuable time.

 

So really, if I could just improve myself instead of impressing myself with my own failures

I’d do a lot better.

Author's Note

Couldn't find a better way to define my ramblings. Not really sure about this one. Let me know what you find flawed here :)

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the rambling. I have books of rambling from my young days. I pull a poem out of it sometime. We are hardest on ourselves. Hard to see our usefulness. I always enjoy your poetry. Best words are written when we are hard on ourselves and need quiet time to gather our thoughts. Always good to write down words. Sort of a release. I hope you are feeling better. Thank you for sharing your thoughts today.
Coyote

[Blue Ivory]

Yes, I can see you and I are quite alike. It's an honor someone as great as you can enjoy my poetry. Yes, I do believe I am healing. Thanks a lot! :)

[The Nude Writer]

I think this is great. Your way of formatting only adds to the feel. I often talk and argue with myself as well :)

[rhythm&blues]

I talk to myself all the time, I really like how you put your ramblings to good use in your poem, nice job.

[Blue Ivory]

Thanks so much! Haha it seems you can sell almost anything xD And in this world of materialism, genuine tears are the most costly...

[Pryde Foltz]

I think you describe a feature of the artistic angst very well.

[Speak Out]

Very emotional piece again great write. Keep Writing

[Balkaran Sidhu]

good one...kindof unique...nd pls...these fancy colors...i feel they distract the reader...turns out a bit frustrating

[Blue Ivory]

It's my signature :) Thank you for your opinion, my friend.

[Balkaran Sidhu]

They look good in a love poem or say in a rhyme...but when u r putting up ur psychology...i suggest its good to keep it simple

[Blue Ivory]

That's one suggestion. Thank you :)

[Leslie Philibert]

The style reminds me a bit of Herta Müller, who wrote a fantastic collection of poem like this..

[Blue Ivory]

Well, I'm honored. :)

[Muse]

I love your rambling....

I too talk to myself...but perhaps not as well as you. ;)

We are our own worst enemies. Forever trying to attain that unattainable high.

[Blue Ivory]

Oh, stahp it you! You're amazing.

[Dr. Wood ?]

mumbli' jumblin' good

I love this sort of thing..just let the thoughts go mad and try to keep up.....Hardly Writer's block...

[Blue Ivory]

Awww well thanks, Dr. Wood :3

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

You do certainly have your own unique style... everyday is an inner struggle as we continually have to make decision based on the best of our knowledge... it is natural we all questions decisions. Bravo on the deep internal rant.

[Blue Ivory]

I'm glad you think so. I never really thought of my style as unique or anything special...It just feels right, I guess. Thanks :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

We I do and you are welcome.