Blind

Blind

A Poem by TheLastEclipse
"

Tell me what you see, for I can not.

"
Can you see the tree beyond this land?
Can you see the truth that's in my hand?
Can I see the passion in your eyes?
I can see the discomfort in all your lies.

What a crushing fact,
that you would turn your back,
on the only thing that ever loved you.
what a crushing blow, 
to destroy me, yeah I know.
The only thing you'll ever do,
Is push me away from you!

Can I see anguish cry?
Can I see it all fly by?
Can you see me standing hear waving?
Can you see me leaping, screaming?

I am crushed that you would ignore the signs.
I flash my light at you all the time!
Hoping for some sign of notice.
Maybe then you can realize bliss.

I never want to turn back,
Never want to go away.
You will never lose my voice.
I will fade from day..
Again.

Why does this scene replay?
Why can't I get our kisses out of my head?
I feel like I'm losing the grip.
Just like I lost the touch of your lip.
Why must the weight of your words crush me?
Why can't I just open my eyes and ears to hear and see?
It's just me..

© 2012 TheLastEclipse



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Featured Review

I very much enjoyed it. I like the message and the emotion. My poems are very freestlye. I'm 14. And I'm a beginner. But I don't believe poems need a format or guidelines to follow. So I guess that's why I write freestyle. Don't worry so much about ryhming. I almost never do. Just focus more on portraying and enhancing the emotion. That way readers can get a strong reaction. But aside from that, I thought it was fantastic.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheLastEclipse

5 Years Ago

I don't try to focus on rhyming... It just happens now. It is a very bad addiction
Alejandra

5 Years Ago

Ohhh ok. Well I still very much enjoyed it. And i agree with the commets. It does kinda sound like a.. read more



Reviews

I very much enjoyed it. I like the message and the emotion. My poems are very freestlye. I'm 14. And I'm a beginner. But I don't believe poems need a format or guidelines to follow. So I guess that's why I write freestyle. Don't worry so much about ryhming. I almost never do. Just focus more on portraying and enhancing the emotion. That way readers can get a strong reaction. But aside from that, I thought it was fantastic.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheLastEclipse

5 Years Ago

I don't try to focus on rhyming... It just happens now. It is a very bad addiction
Alejandra

5 Years Ago

Ohhh ok. Well I still very much enjoyed it. And i agree with the commets. It does kinda sound like a.. read more
i think it is an honest effort, and the emotion shows through. maybe needs some polishing. i liked it,,,and i'm still learning myself.

Posted 5 Years Ago


I think your poetry is very ordinary, I suppose. I'd actually really like to see you write a song as they seem more like song lyrics than verses of a poem. Something that very much bothers me is that you actually wrote "yeah I know" as part of your poem. It quite literally just struck me and I stared at it wondering how someone could butcher such a nice poem for the sake of rhyming. It was a downer for the most part. Aside from that, the structure is questionable but not terrible.

I think you just need to practice and you'll get a hang of it quickly. You're only 15 and you're not a terrible writer, just a beginner like most of us start out. Good luck and happy writing!

Cheers!
75/100

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheLastEclipse

5 Years Ago

I can agree with that.
Awh! So sad but so beautiful! Such a sad song (Yes I sang to it :P), but it tells such a heart filled story.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheLastEclipse

5 Years Ago

Thank you. :) And you should sing to it. Let it stir within :) Art should do that! Let your imaginat.. read more
Ella

5 Years Ago

Well, I did so :$ it really did get me thinking.

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165 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Added on October 3, 2012
Last Updated on October 3, 2012
Tags: Hopelessness, Anguish, Pity

Author

TheLastEclipse
TheLastEclipse

Crossville, AL



About
I have been writing since the age of twelve and have been creating oral tales since before that. I am a Christian but have a twisted way in some of my stories. I write poetry, stories, and I'm a cas.. more..

Writing