I Loved You

Why did you have to leave me like this?

Staring at the back of your head, smiling, leaning sideways as my elbow dug into my maths desk. All these numbers were too confusing, and your hair was so... Amazing. I couldn't help doodle hearts in my notebook at I continued to stare. "Sophie? Sophie. Sophia Grand'e are you listening to me!?" My teacher broke into my thoughts. "Pardon?" I squeaked. You turned around to look at me with glazing, beautiful blue eyes dancing in the sunlight, laughing that cute soft laugh of yours, before turning back around in your seat. "What is the answer?" prowled my teacher. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Scanning the whiteboard quickly I replied, "Seventy two squared... I think." Thankfully I managed not to lose myself in hopeless love and I got the answer correct. I'm not stupid - just... in love with someone who doesn't know I exist.

Staring at the back of your head soon got boring, but thankfully during physical education classes I managed to stand by your side during games of soccer, basketball, volleyball... Except I sucked at sports and ended up injuring myself every time. I stared at the blood trickling down my leg. "Why me?" I whispered in pain. "You OK?" Someone called. 'No,' I thought to myself. "I'm fine!" I yelled across the football pitch. I wished for you to look at me, see my tears, but you didn't care. I didn't bring my uniform the next week. "What's up with you huh?" Those were the first five words you actually said to my face. "Oh, uh, I just like forgot my like p.e gear, yeah totally forgot it haha..." Smooth Sophie. Reeeeal smooth. You laughed at me, "Whatever, I love soccer. Hey Jeremy pass the ball already!" And you were gone.

Needless to say I remembered my p.e gear next time. But I will never forget that moment, struggling, hobbling into math class asking for a note to the sick bay, I stood in pain in front of you and you didn't even look my way. These scars down my arm are because of you. All this pain, worthless heartbreak was because of you. Why are you so blind?

The blade cut my skin that night. Sharp, sweet. Felt like finally my pain could be revived. School was torture. Falling deeper into that black hole every day. Friends tried and failed to help me. Others thought it was just for attention. Family didn't know.

Then you told me. You just said, bluntly; "What are you doing going around spreading rumors? I don't like you okay so back off and leave me alone."

You broke my heart that day.

I never stared at the back of your head again.