Quit Smoking

A message to all smokers - Please Quit Smoking:)

I open my eyes and look around, 
I think of the setting Sun.
At last its the truth that I've found.
But, neither life, nor death can I shun.

I lie helpless on my bed.
Still alive, but waiting to be dead.
Tears of regret flood my cheeks.
One last chance, is all my life seeks.

The doctors just refuse to say, 
If I would live through the day.
I wonder if it would be just to pray.
Coz, I am a smoker, and I smoked my life away.

I am broken inside, 
But I try to be brave.
On me were the eyes of doom that spied, 
As I puffed towards my grave.

My dear ones stand, by my side.
Tears of sorrow, they can't hide.
My mom sits weeping, by my feet.
Wondering how long, will her son's heart beat.

I had smoked like a chimney -day and night, 
Knowing not, that it wasn't right.
Now I wish, I hadn't seen this day, 
I am a smoker, and I smoked my life away.

I had to pay the price.
As written in my fate.
Friend! Please heed my voice.
And quit it, before its too late.

Reviews

[DIVYA]

A very solemn message here. Thanks for sharing this excellent poem. It is sure to bolster the resolve of those here who are trying to quit smoking.

[TheLostMind]

I hope it does what it is meant to do :). Thank You for your kind review.

[AmandaFuller]

Wonderfully written!! And by the way I love your profile and the quote you have too!

[TheLostMind]

Thank you.. That quote is from a poem written by Emily Dickinson :).

[AmandaFuller]

That's great! And you are welcome.

[I Am Svetlana]

A powerful write! I am trying to quit myself & get my boyfriend to quit. His mom went back to smoking and I think she recently got diagnosed with cancer. Anyways, it's easier said than done, but like I said, I'm a work in progress.

[TheLostMind]

Thank you :). I hope you quit smoking as.soon as possible.

[nazia]

The rhyme is good and you obviously know that, so lets talk about the message. Impressed... Smoking is one of those habits people try hard to quit but end up giving in. a lot of people pledge to stop smoking but not from today, tomorrow they always say and that tomorrow never comes.
It is those people who really need to read your work. The way you described the aftermath of a destructive habit is really thought provoking. Is a few minutes of pleasure worth such big a price?
A very well written work :)

[Taylor]

Having had both of my parents die prematurely as a result of smoking, I can identify very much with your message. I don' t really feel qualified to critique poetry as I've written very little of it and read only the obligatory stuff in high school and college--that's a prelude to say take what you can use and throw the rest away. In the third verse, I stumbled on "live through the day." I'm not sure why; I guess for me "die" would be a more potent word than "through." For the most part, the end of each line rhymes with the next line but a few don't. I'm not sure how others might feel about it, but for me when a pattern is established, it is distracting when it isn't followed--unless of couse there's an artistic reason not to follow it. Minor points, really. What I like very much is that you are successful in creating a vision of both the internal and external state of the smoker in just an economy of words. Hard to do, but you've done it. Thanks for sharing your work. Taylor

[RiverRei]

Just a few edits (in case no one else has mentioned them haha):

Stanza 1:
"Atlast" to "At last", an easy enough edit :)

Stanza 2:
Delete one of the "is all" in the last line, please :)

Overall review:
Friend, I am extremely envious of your talent with rhyme scheme. I have such a hard time with it if I want to use a rhyme. I have to spend a lot of time (unintentional rhyme, haha) researching words that rhyme and how I want to write the line so it works. It's much more difficult for me and less natural. However, you make it seem easy and as if it comes naturally for you. At the age of 24, I hope you were never on your deathbed from smoking but it is a wonderful message for those that do. Thank you for sharing this :)

[TheLostMind]

Thank you. I have fixed the typos. I really appreciate you taking time and reviewing this one.. Well, a rhyming scheme is not necessary.. Sometimes free flowing poetry works as well. Its all about the emotions..

Nope. Not on my deathbed. Not yet. This one was written for my friend. To make him realize that smoking was bad.:)

[Coyote Poetry]

I understand this poem. My dear mother was told to quit or she can die ASAP. She won't. Smoking is a hard habit to break.
"I had smoked like a chimney -day and night,
Knowing not, that it wasn't right.
Now I wish, I hadn't seen this day,
I am a smoker, and I smoked my life away."
I like the reason and the purpose for the poem. Smoking become a part of you. My addiction is coffee. All of us have some weakness. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[TheLostMind]

Actually. This poem is about my friend. He wouldn't quit. I wrote this from a first person pov. My addiction is coffee .. lol :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Coffee. About 10 cups a day. Antacid are near.

[TheLostMind]

I have about 6 cups of coffee everyday :)

[AprilRN1210]

a heartfelt plea, that I can relate to on many levels.. I have lost several loved ones to similar instances... it makes the reader's heart go out to the speaker and feel the regret, the pain, the longing... I love the message and the skillful expression of passionate emotion.. when a writer can make me feel, that is talent.. I really enjoyed this one.. well done!

[TheLostMind]

Thanks April. :). I've seen my friends falling prey to it, I've seen their sufferings. I thought the poem would look a lot better if written in "first person POV" . :)

[misha]

Great poem. You got your point across very well. I agree that smoking is just terrible. Maybe my siblings should read this :-)

[TheLostMind]

Thanks :)...

[Jonas]

You put it in such a simple, yet powerful way, you certainly know how to animate a poem to life and make it a great one.

[TheLostMind]

Thanks :)..