Persistence

I was alone I thought, trapped in a dark room

If it wasn't just me then I had to be with someone else, but whom

I wasn't aware of how much time had passed

Nor did I know the time alloted that I had lapsed

I only remember a few small details

Not even enough to give out, to tell

The ones that I did recall didn't mean much

An alarming, cold, and frightening touch

A high-pitched ringing in my sensitive ears

A sound that has haunted me for years and years

I honestly couldn't recollect why

But just like now, nothing would've come to me as a surprise

Then my troubling thoughts were abruptly interrupted

A familiar person walked in, and I grimaced at how he strutted

With such confidence, and agonizingly cocky pride

An audacious, yet oddly awkward kind of a stride

He took a seat across from me with his pale hands folded

"What is this all about?," I demanded with rage just like the many times he had been scolded

He cast me a hard stare that shut me up as if I was his puppet, he my puppeteer

The words came out slowly, "Don't be ingnorant, Scarlett, you know why we need you here,"

That one sentence paved out my unique existence

It showcased the compelling power of unrelenting persistence.

 

 

 

Reviews

[eeoopig]

This tells a good story :) It also has a nice rhythm and rhymes well, good job

[Owlgirl]

I love the use of similes and descriptions you used in this poem. It sets a clear mood and the nails-down-a-chalkboard screech that seems to happen in the background while reading definetly shows you've mastered suspensefulness in "Persistance". Well done!

[None]

I agree with Lina Grey. This poem tells a story. Sure, it uses the lyric rhythm and rhyme of poetry, but it still has a narrative line, with the suspense of an ending. I think if you added a few more features like: what were her troubling thoughts about, who is the man who walked into the room, why do they need her, and why does she seem to hate them?

The language here is perfectly written. Add some character to the story line, and I think you have a mind blowing piece.

[Lina Grey]

This poem could almost tell a story, and if you made it into one it would be brilliant. It may not seem like much coming from someone only a year older than yourself, but I think you're a very mature thinker and writer for your age. This is an interesting piece, with a powerful ending. Thank you.

[Kelsy]

Can't believe all these wonderful poems are coming from such a young poet.This one really is as lovely as always.Well done,great job.Can't help but shout-Brava!!!

[Sophie]

This is so cool, there are no words for it. It should be a story idea or something. Great poem!!!

[Mackenzie Brooke]

Im liking this one alot.

[blueseeker]

the last line really draws out your thoughts.
you are a talented writer and mature thinker for your age.
continue to inspire through these words. thank you for this write, lydia.

I can feel this one pull, such emotional write.

[Marie]

We don't always know until someone reminds us, then we see everything.