Look

Look

A Story by TheMalady
"

What can you see? Take a look at your SELF.

"




"Why? What's the point of doing this?"


Why, indeed?

I saw him - a face drawn in a smile, dark eyes framed in arching lashes glinted of mock, pity, and helplessness. He knew me well to even say anything. Well, that's who he is. Just a person who won't open his mouth until reality slapped me straight on the cheeks.


Tell me, what should I do?


When I tried so hard to pleased others so I could gain their favors despite of rejections?

When I made every ounce of my effort to do well at school, then ended up with an F?

When I saw my friend in front of me getting an earful of insults and just shut my mouth 'cause I was afraid to gain hatred from the mob?

When the whole world seemed to degrade every bit of humanity I had in me 'coz I stood beside my best friend?

When I watched him perish before my eyes - every breath escaped him, the white tainted carmine hue.


No. Hold on.


He only looked at me. And I looked at him. 

Pity.

He doesn't speak.


Only those eyes knew how to.



"Why? What's the point of doing this?"


When I turned away -


He did the same.




- TheMalady








© 2016 TheMalady



Author's Note

TheMalady
Please tell me anything regarding this story. Feedbacks are always welcome! :)

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Featured Review

I have to say this story is full of emotion. To watch someone go through something and to turn away from someone who needs help is very hard to do. Then in the end when you wrote "when I turned away he did the same" that was very powerful. To me it showed that he was doing the same thing his friend did to him in his hour of need. Very well written!!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

True, indeed. That is totally difficult. i really appreciate the time you've given to read this stor.. read more



Reviews

Interesting point of view. I can somehow relate to it.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot! I'm glad you were able to relate to this one. :)
i must say this story clicks your mind rather then touching the heart first which is totally amazing and you really write so well and your words,formation of sentences are so alive, can make any one read it....
great.....:-)

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot, gunjan! I'm glad to know that you spent your time in reading my story and it did made .. read more
gunjan

1 Year Ago

you are always welcome dear,,,,
keep making us read... ;-)
TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Sure! No probs! You as well. ;)
I love this new edited version of the story. Spot on!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot, J.R! Your review is truly appreciated. Thanks a lot! :)
I have to say this story is full of emotion. To watch someone go through something and to turn away from someone who needs help is very hard to do. Then in the end when you wrote "when I turned away he did the same" that was very powerful. To me it showed that he was doing the same thing his friend did to him in his hour of need. Very well written!!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

True, indeed. That is totally difficult. i really appreciate the time you've given to read this stor.. read more
Whoa! You do a great job with capturing powerful emotions in your writing! I also enjoy the repeated motif of the different shades of red through the two, seemingly unrelated I have read of yours so far! Very interesting devices to use and so well! Nice job!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot! I'm quite happy that you like the story. It means a lot to me. Thanks again for readin.. read more
Zyle Christian William Cook

1 Year Ago

No problem!!!
A nice story with a great message =)
Just a few little things to point out:
When I tried so hard to pleased others so I could gain their favors despite of rejections?
would make better sense as:
When I tried so hard to please others so I could gain their favor in spite of rejections?

When the whole world seemed to degrade every humanity I had in me 'coz I pitied my best friend?

When the whole world seemed to degrade every bit of humanity I had in me 'coz I pitied my best friend?

You don't have to use the word bit, but something similar in meaning. Also you will be better off using a different word than "pitied" in that line, for instance, "stood by" or "sympathised". something like that might suit it better.
But that all depends on what kind of exact meaning you are after.

Anyway those are just a few suggestions I thought might help.
Overall you've still done a great job =)

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot! I was also confused with the 'please' part! Thanks a lot for pointing this out! :) Tha.. read more
-inactive now-

1 Year Ago

Not a problem :)
Beautifully written. I like the italicized questions. I like your comparisons and the writing is very top notch.

"When I watched him turned red before my eyes-" are you trying to say you watched him turn red? If so, maybe change your wording a little, it can be a little odd.

I also liked "When reality slapped me right on the cheeks" I could really imagine the slap of reality and expression.

Keep up the wonderful poetry!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! Sure, I'll try to use another word, my bad. I was trying to .. read more
Nikolean

1 Year Ago

No problem :)
Your way of writing is like the professionals, it's just wow.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

I'm quite honored, however, I still need to learn a lot of things. Although, your words could encour.. read more
Shaima'a Alhaddad

1 Year Ago

You are most welcome :) and your writing is worth reading

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8 Reviews
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Added on January 10, 2016
Last Updated on January 20, 2016
Tags: Regret, Reflection, Reality

Author

TheMalady
TheMalady

About
Somehow, it seems I can't keep up with the multiple reviews that gradually increase each day. I'll try to make it a point to read your work. Meanwhile, I am currently revising some of my old works.. more..

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