A Narrow World

A Narrow World

A Story by TheMalady
"

What will you say to a person who refuses to see both sides?

"


"Shut up! I don't want to listen to you. You're pissing me off."

Helen turned a deaf ear to her blonde classmate and angrily averted away from her. Everyone turned mute as two people stood in the middle of the classroom; it pulled the curious nature of people into its vortex of intense wrangle. The earlier hubbub that filled the place had now ceased and only two voices seared the silence, competing against each other akin to a diva.

The squabbled voices haunted the silence with the hot theme: anime fandom. No one could deny the this heated discussion was childish, immature, so unladylike for two grown-up ladies but in fact, people seemed to think otherwise.

       The world had changed. So as the minds of some people who were caught up in this wave of global change.

     Helen was over the top of her kind when it came to her fandom, however, Darlene loved it until yesterday, when she grew tired to listen at her friend's endless chitchat.

       The tide had turned and Darlene talked against it.

"Why? What's wrong with reading that blog? They said that is one of the top three worse fandoms because of the fans spewing ill-words -"

"If you're a true fan, you will not read that kind of s**t. Why bother reading them anyway?" Helen sharply cut her off, as she stormed towards her table filled of books and papers arranged in a methodical way.

         Silence.

       For the first time, Darlene was filled with dread and terror at the sudden outburst of her friend's intense feelings. She knew her to be calm, graceful, polite and kind - until a few seconds ago.

        The two of them were close - weren't they?


"The point? So you could see both sides? Hello, what is wrong with reading it? Don't you have an open mind?" Darlene continued with a hard face, easing herself down on her own table cleared of any books and papers compared to her friend, Helen. She was trying to make sense of the situation, at least; but her gut feeling told her otherwise.

         The instant she talked against the topic was the moment she stepped on a land mine.

"If I don't want to read it, don't force me. Can you respect that?" Helen said seethed with anger, her face turned red as she opened her book.

 Troy, the dark brown haired jock, seated at Helen's right side could only stared at the two ladies, clear blue eyes filled with curiosity and confusion at the sudden clashed of the two close friends.


Rona, a dark haired lady beside Darlene opened her mouth and then closed it immediately. Green eyes glinted of amusement at the two ladies who disturbed the normalcy of their setting.


The red haired Jess frowned, amber eyes turned towards the two who took their seats. 



"Why? It's just reading. I don't see why you need to be so angry about it. Are you, perhaps, taking this personally?" her friend urged her, narrowing her eyes towards the dark haired lady whilst her back towards her. 

"Personally! Respect that!" she yelled, her hands gripped hard the folder which almost crumpled the poor report she made a couple of hours ago.

"Fine. I asked the wrong person. However, if you have cooled down your head, try to open up your mind to a greater world. You have to have an open mind about it, anyway," Darlene sighed. Slowly, she turned back to her table, pulled out her book and opened to the page that she had bookmarked earlier.

She sat and started on a new chapter.

       On that day, a heavy silence hung between the two friends despite of the murmurs and whispers that echoed throughout the sunny classroom. Darlene just can't seem to understand why her friend was too absorbed with her anime fandom. Yes. She used to love it, however, she had a balanced mind and seen the right and wrong of it. And her friend Helen - she had completely closed her mind to a greater world. 

Or was it her?
  
 -TheMalady

© 2016 TheMalady



Author's Note

TheMalady
Geez... I want to share this scene to you guys. Anyone who can relate? Feedback's are always welcome! :)

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I think the previous review covered grammar and editing to preserve flow and I agree that self editing takes practice my own included! :) so I will concentrate my review on the content and feel of the story itself. I think you convey the feel of the class room well and also the jumble of emotions wrapped up in the dialogue of the warring friends. I was never much of an anime fan when I was a young girl (it wasn't really readily available when I was growing up) but I can relate to the conflicted feelings and angst that you portray so well here and that are, without a doubt, a big part of growing up...especially for young girls :) Don't lose heart you are moving in the right direction and in time with practice it will all come together...ive been writing for many years and have a journalism degree and I can say quite honestly that I am still learning and developing as a writer both in style and presentation :) keep at it!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Aw, thanks a lot, Bethsinitaly! Your words will inspire me to improve myself on writing, especially .. read more



Reviews

i certainly can relate to feeling someone refuses to see both sides of an issue. i really enjoyed your story, i do think you could have developed some of the other characters a bit more, because this was interesting to me, you really painted a scene. an interesting topic for there to be an argument over....very teenager.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


I think the previous review covered grammar and editing to preserve flow and I agree that self editing takes practice my own included! :) so I will concentrate my review on the content and feel of the story itself. I think you convey the feel of the class room well and also the jumble of emotions wrapped up in the dialogue of the warring friends. I was never much of an anime fan when I was a young girl (it wasn't really readily available when I was growing up) but I can relate to the conflicted feelings and angst that you portray so well here and that are, without a doubt, a big part of growing up...especially for young girls :) Don't lose heart you are moving in the right direction and in time with practice it will all come together...ive been writing for many years and have a journalism degree and I can say quite honestly that I am still learning and developing as a writer both in style and presentation :) keep at it!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Aw, thanks a lot, Bethsinitaly! Your words will inspire me to improve myself on writing, especially .. read more
This has been edited since my first read. So to alleviate confusion I have deleted my first review and returned (as asked) to make a new one.

When we read stories, we tend to have our own impressions of how we might "better" say sentences that we've read. Quite a "trap" that is so hard to avoid because, after all, the story isn't ours. But the hallmark to me of reading a "good" piece is how very seldom you want to stop a headlong charge down a page because your mind says you need to "rethink" a line.

"Almost everyone turned mute at the two who stood in the middle of the classroom that pulled everyone's curious eyes towards their direction." "at" still doesn't work. The sentence standing alone doesn't seem as weak as when it is read within the context of its paragraph. If I rewrite it then the result is no longer yours and hence unfair. Words in the beginning third affect and EFFECT words in the last third. Remember - you want your reader to "see" and accept the action/reaction clearly and for the flow to continue.

"Darlene and Helen just talked about a certain Anime Fandom." - missing word, off tense perhaps? For me the flow STOPPED at the period and my eyes went back instead of forward. "Helen was over the top of her kind when it came to her fandom, however, Darlene loved it until yesterday, when she grew tired to listen at her friend's endless chitchat." - sort of endless and confusing... "Now, the tide had turned and Darlene talked against it." - why pause after "Now"? - read it aloud - remember?

You did clear a number of issues... but editing (like every other aspect of writing) takes practice (for all of us - me included).

" "Fine. I asked the wrong person. However, if you have cooled down your head, try to open up your mind to a greater world. You have to have an open mind about it, anyway," Darlene sighed. Slowly, she turned back to her table and pulled out her book and opened the page that she had bookmarked earlier." - do you physically open a page? or open TO a page? you've bookmarked...

Little details stop a flow... and having too many "pauses" will have a reader closing the book and walking away.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

You're right. Editing isn't really my forte. And I must admit that sometimes, I cannot really spot a.. read more
Chris

1 Year Ago

The pros use editors ...because it is effective and we tend to be blind toward our own materials - s.. read more
TheMalady

1 Year Ago

That is so true. We really need others to also check our own work to see if we just did great or wha.. read more
Entertaining one, as well. I like the last sentence, it's well written. It reads like a teenage story to me.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Hi! Thanks for reading! Yup, this one is about a topic that teenagers are really fascinated nowadays.. read more
To be honest I'm not quite sure what it was I just read… Though that's not inherently a bad thing. From what I can gather it's two girls arguing when one of them tries to show the other an anime blog? I mean, if that's all you were trying to get across then mission accomplished. If there's a deeper theme or emotional meaning to it, it has honestly went over my head. But, to be helpful, maybe you could be more detailed with your descriptions. We don't really get any imagery pertaining to the characters aside from 'blond', nor do we really get a picture of the classroom. Are they sitting in the back or front, how many students are in it? I'm assuming it's a history class… In any case that's as far as my critique can really go. Good luck!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thank you very much for the review! Sure, I could really use your review to improve my work. This wi.. read more
Hey there..i like this story,it was well written though there are few issues with the drama..for example
--"if you are a true fan you will not read that s**t" instead of "those s***s"..
--"clear blue eyes filled with curiosity and confusion at the sudden clash between the two close friends"...i think this would work better
Otherwise it is a great story:-)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Oh, thanks a lot for the suggestion! I'll try this one! :) Thanks for reading!
Mary Helda Akongo

1 Year Ago

You are welcome:-)
Interesting scene. It's a shame when things like that ruin a friendship, but it certainly is a possibility. I really like the way you include some details in between the dialogue, while keeping the conversation running smoothly.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot for reviewing! I had a lot of edits in this piece. Thanks a lot for taking your time an.. read more
Better...much better...knowing the real subject of the argument, can choose to side with Helen or Darlene...that gives me an emotional attachment to the story..there is still a couple of grammatical problems, but nothing that a few edits can't fix....great, awesome job man. #liked it.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot. I knew I had to add some points but I was a bit clouded so I don't know what to do. As.. read more
Krizito

1 Year Ago

No one can go it alone right :)
TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Thanks again, really. :)
Nice story...cool flow...but something seems to be missing. The argument, what really is the subject?...one refuses to see both sides, what are the sides?...what really is the disagreement?...
There's a couple of grammar errors, but you'd have already known that...
Overall...good job!!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheMalady

1 Year Ago

Yeah. I will still need to revise the whole thing. I knew that I am lacking something here, but I am.. read more

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Added on January 11, 2016
Last Updated on April 27, 2016
Tags: Friendship, Perception, Ideals, Prefernces

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TheMalady
TheMalady

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Somehow, it seems I can't keep up with the multiple reviews that gradually increase each day. I'll try to make it a point to read your work. Meanwhile, I am currently revising some of my old works.. more..

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