Little Light

Captivated from the start.

I see a shimmer,

A little bright light

Behind her eyes

I capture with mine.

It twirls and dances

And soon takes flight.

Twisting and weaving

It beckons I follow,

I never lose sight.

I feel the warm sun,

A little snug embrace

Behind her smile

I capture with mine.

It skips and sways

And soon kneels down.

Soothing and calming

It beckons I slow,

I catch my breath.

I know a quiet place,

A little peaceful nest

Behind her heart

I capture with mine.

It ebbs and flows

And soon makes rest.

Sitting and breathing

It beckons I stop,

I am home.

Author's Note

Took me a couple days to nail this one down, but very little revising once I got going. I know the flow is unsteady, but so are we. Critiques are always welcome.

Reviews

[Blank]

What a very sweet poem you've penned here. You're correct the flow is unsteady but I thought it worked well once I got into the bulk of it, I'm on the fence about the rhyming in it though, I don't know if it was intentional or if it just happened, but honestly that's nit-picking. This is heart-felt and beautifully articulate, very strong voice and imagery, and it held my attention. Lovely and thank you for sharing.

[Bradley]

Thank you so much, V. Can I call you V? I had fun writing this one. I just let a few rhymes in here and there because that's life. Once in a blue moon your windshield wipers wipe to the beat of a song on the radio, but most of the time you just wish they would. Oooh, that reminds me (for some reason), I was going to change the last line from "I am at home" to "I am home." Thanks, V.

[Blank]

Haha, yes you can call me V. I wish my windshield wipers would do that, but the rain is so sporadic here I'm always having to adjust the speed. I like that change though, it feels more confident and sure.

[Bradley]

Confident! Thank you, that's the word I was looking for.

[KT-B]

a lovely read, enjoyed this, thanks for sharing :)

[Janene]

A beautiful poem, unsteady like love or a passion for anything. I get someone recognizing their dream, pursuing it and eventually molding it into realization. Like chasing a butterfly.

[Andrew james]

Wow what a great poem. I wish I had this stile. Straight to the point and well written

[Vincent]

Maybe its just the mood I'm in, but after I read that a few times and thought about my wife, it brought a tear to my eye.

[Imara]

"It beckons I follow" You have a few lines like this where they are two separate sentences. I feel you are right to put them in the same line but I would suggest putting a semicolon there just as a grammatical thing.
In the first stanza of the poem you are following tightly this 'it' because of how nice, and bright and friendly it is. Then by the second stanza it's still nice and beautiful but it's moving fast and you can't keep up with it and you lose it and finally by the end you have given up but it doesn't matter because 'it' is waiting for you right where you want and need to be. At home.
I don't know what 'it' is thought, at first I thought it might be your mother, but it was personified too flighty to really be a mother. I am currently thinking 'it' might be an idea, a goal the pursuing of that goal. Where you start out really going for it then you miss a little and slow down but you keep at it and meet it but I still feel that is wrong. Let me know. It's well written over all and I like the form. I feel it's a little too obscure to get your meaning across though. Good job :)

[Bradley]

You're very close to what I had in mind as I wrote this. The first stanza was definitely inspired by a woman I know. It's like there's a certain twinkle she has that I can't quite identify, but whatever it is, part of it stays with me. It then becomes a memory that transforms into, as you said, an idea. It's an idea that I pursue in my mind. The first stanza is, for me, reality. The rest is...wishful thinking. :)

[Imara]

Ahh..well it's an idea from a woman. That explains your language. That's romantic, nice job and thanks for explaining :)