I Am Adult

I am Adult,

But would rather be child.

 

Whimsical caresses of the summer sun,

Obsolete in grown winter gray.

Carefree wonder’s mindless curiosity.

 

The hope that once came,

At the break of day.

 

Now moans and drones

With alarms and timetables,

Bills disguised as paychecks.

 

Workloads

And lonely late nights.

 

Washed down and blurred

With martinis in plastic goblets.

Searching,

 

For the joy of the careless child.

 

Reviews

[Eggman]

The 2nd stanza has a soporific quality, that makes it joyful to read. The first line's sibilance lends to this alot, but the oxymoronic notion "mindless curiosity" really emphasises the dreaminess of that section. I think that it's a great representation of happy memory figments. Later on, "Bills disguised as paychecks" is a rather thought-provoking way of putting it, which I also enjoyed.

I have some very minor criticisms: firstly, I dislike the internal rhyme of moans and drones. It comes off as the sort of thing a mother would say to a complaining child, in my honest opinion, and I don't think that that's what you were going for. Similarly, "goblet" doesn't seem like the right word; it has connotations of lavishmess, and plastic goblets, to me, sounds like some avant-garde hipster drinkingware. I think glass or cup would do the job fine in this instance, even if it ruins the repeated Ts that that line had going - its arguably more important to have accurate meaning than nice poetic technique, which is already plentiful in this poem.

Really solid work, you definitely conveyed the message in a creative manner, and I look forward to your next!