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The Red Maiden and the Wolf

The Red Maiden and the Wolf

A Story by John

Just a short story :D Don't know if I should make another part.

It happened three years ago. My fate came to me like a bullet towards my heart. I met the most beautiful girl in a red coat when I was the age of 8. The last time I saw her was at the age of 20. In fact it was my birthday when I last saw her. I didn't grew depressed nor angry because of this, I felt numb. Now let's stop with this rambling of her and my emotions. Let's talk about why my so called mother left me in the woods to die and get eaten by the wolfs.

I was 7. I have shaggy brown hair, tan skin, and brown eye's. I look exactly like my father when he was young. But the odd thing about me are my, how do I say this, extra parts I have. My extra part's are what brought me to the place I was currently at. Now the extra part's I have aren't like I have another pair of arm or leg, no. I have wolf like ear's on the top of my head and a wolf like tail.

My wolf-like ears are big and very noticeable. Because of these 'ears' I am deaf on my actual ears. The only reason I could hear well is because of these dreaded things on the top of my head. It doesn't help that they are a darker color than my hair.

My tail.... where do I start? The tail is thick and poofy. It's also a darker color just like the ears. It's not heavy, I am grateful of this, but it's hard to hide it from the public eye's.

Now let's say I am blind. Not blind but I have a vision of a dog. The odd thing is, the only color I could see is the color red. Red. Apples, roses, blood, my friend. A beautiful color that I could only see in my black and gray world.

But now let's begin my story. About a wolf who fell in love with the red maiden.

© 2016 John

Author's Note

Don't know if I should make another part for this and make a book or just leave it like that. Oh well.

My Review

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I really don't know what was suppose to happen here, was it just a build-up? All that's there is one paragraph for a slight backstory, and four paragraphs describing the main character.

Apart from that, I see a noticeable amount of grammatical errors. Apostrophe 's' are supposed to denote possession rather than the plural form of something. The whole thing could use some proofreading, at least twice or thrice.

A lot of things are missing from this, including the plot. Although it is just titled The Red Maiden and The Wolf, I suppose that's what it's about.

You can rebuild this piece by writing down a few drafts and establishing the characters, more than just physical descriptions. Provide the actual meat of the story, because to be honest, there's nothing going on here.

Just keep writing, I am confident you can bring out something better out of this piece, with a little practice of course.

Posted 2 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on February 27, 2016
Last Updated on February 27, 2016
Tags: Red riding hood, monster, romance, werewolf, fiction



Narnia, Over the Rainbow, TX

Hey I am the Holy John aka some unknown being that likes to go by John. I am a female just in case someone thought I was a dude that writes like a chick. I like anime, music, and manga. more..

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