What Surrounds

What Surrounds

A Poem by Miss. Smith

Black surrounds

Void of passion

And you still sleep

But you won't ever dream.


Disperse

Stand alone

With only time by your side

Watch the people

Watching you

And you still sleep 

But you won't ever dream.


In the middle of the path you stand

You stare

Did I really fight all this time

And did I really walk all this way

And you still sleep

But you won't ever dream.


Find me 

Find me not in your soul

Not in your hollowed heart

I am here

Can't you see

And I might sleep

But I won't ever dream


Black surrounds 

Covering the skies

Cacophonies of empty sound

Distant from the world

And we still sleep 

But we won't ever dream. 

 

 

 


© 2012 Miss. Smith



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Black surrounds

Covering the skies

Cacophonies of empty sound

Distant from the world

And we still sleep

But we won't ever dream.

I love these lines and how you expressed your message... Keep writing!

Posted 5 Years Ago


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TLK
The stentorian urgency of the repeated 'dream' line would be better if you did not use the apostrophe to contract the word. "But we will not ever dream" is far more commanding.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Miss. Smith

5 Years Ago

yes, i find to be rather infuriating when people can give no constructive criticism.
TLK

5 Years Ago

100/100 perfect story i cant wait to read more

[they never read anything you write ever.. read more
Miss. Smith

5 Years Ago

hahaha so true

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Added on August 25, 2012
Last Updated on August 27, 2012

Author

Miss. Smith
Miss. Smith

Edinburgh, United Kingdom



About
I am thirteen years old. I am Robin Hood. I am Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. I am Morrissey and Ian Brown. I am Princess Zelda. I am Jackson Pollock and Tim Burton. I am... Well none of those thing.. more..

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A Poem by Miss. Smith