What Surrounds

Black surrounds

Void of passion

And you still sleep

But you won't ever dream.

Disperse

Stand alone

With only time by your side

Watch the people

Watching you

And you still sleep 

But you won't ever dream.

In the middle of the path you stand

You stare

Did I really fight all this time

And did I really walk all this way

And you still sleep

But you won't ever dream.

Find me 

Find me not in your soul

Not in your hollowed heart

I am here

Can't you see

And I might sleep

But I won't ever dream

Black surrounds 

Covering the skies

Cacophonies of empty sound

Distant from the world

And we still sleep 

But we won't ever dream. 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Rhianne Ney]

Black surrounds

Covering the skies

Cacophonies of empty sound

Distant from the world

And we still sleep

But we won't ever dream.

I love these lines and how you expressed your message... Keep writing!

[TLK]

The stentorian urgency of the repeated 'dream' line would be better if you did not use the apostrophe to contract the word. "But we will not ever dream" is far more commanding.

[Miss. Smith]

Thanks TLK, it is refreshing to have someone who points out my mistakes rather than just saying "oh no, it is ok if it is not perfect you are still learning..."
And yes i see now, and I agree that it is in fact more commanding. Exactly what I want.

[TLK]

Glad to be of service. I too dislike the number of reviews which say "wow this is perfect".

No, by definition of the word 'perfect' it is precisely not that. BY DEFINITION.

[Miss. Smith]

yes, i find to be rather infuriating when people can give no constructive criticism.

[TLK]

100/100 perfect story i cant wait to read more

[they never read anything you write ever again]

[Miss. Smith]

hahaha so true